Scholarship Essay "Why should you be considered for a scholarship by the Alumni of your school"

Hi, I would appreciate to receive some feedback on my essay for a scholarship.

to perform great in all aspect

Between the best 1% and the following 99% is usually only 1%.

This statement accompanied myself during my whole professional career. When I started to work in capital markets, I learned that you should keep pace with one of the smartest people in finance industry. To satisfy my desire to become a future leader in finance, I recognized that I must work very hard. With this knowledge kept in mind, it was possible for me to achieve the 2nd rank in the position table in my bachelor's degree and reach a 96-percentiled GMAT score. The international chamber of commerce in Hamburg awarded my performance in my vocational training as banker with a scholarship for higher education. The scholarship facilitated to finance my studies at a private university during my bachelor degree.

I do not only pursue to perform great in my professional career but also in my personal life. During my youth, I had the honor to fight for the Hamburg Boxing team and participate in different national competitions. Afterwards, I hunted one personal record after the other when I went to the gym. Unfortunately, I have an injury for nearly 3 years, so I must focus on my healing. The positive aspect is that I use the spare time and free energy for voluntary projects.

In 2015, I headed a student project for a nonprofit organization that support victims to digest their experiences. We revised the geographical structure of their branches and worked on an optimal structure to fulfill their work. My group received an award for the outstanding results and consequences of our work. The impressions from this project shaped my desire to help needy people, so I decided to engage in voluntary work. I am acting as mentor for young children with immigrant background to support their personal development and overcome issues in their education.

My interest in finance is not restricted to my career, so I engaged myself with two former student fellows to start a finance club at my university. We organize regular meetings to exchange experiences with the other participants and organize a talk with a finance professional each semester.

To sum up there are different experiences from my professional career and personal interests that align with the with the aim of XXX to form global leaders. The idea to support my former university and fellow students beyond my graduation is not only very appealing to me but also very familiar for me. I am still acting as ambassador for my scholarships at my former university and represent my experiences to potential successors each semester. Since many years and probably for many more years, I try to support needy people in various aspects and work hard to pursue my goals. Now I need help to finance my further education at XXX.

Sebastian, being a graduate of this university and applying for an alumna scholarship requires a specific type of scholarship application essay. You have to consider what the alumna requirements are for a candidate and make sure that you reflect their required qualifications in your discussion. Work on presenting your present career information such as your current position and the accomplishments that you have in the area which can help in justifying your interest in developing your leadership skills in this field. Since you are a college graduate already, you must not rely on your previous academic record anymore. The more important consideration for the alumnae association at this point will be whether you fit their description of a suitable candidate. Since you did not include that listing in your prompt description, I will not be able to tell how well you were able to reflect those needs in the essay. You will have to do that yourself. I can assure you though, that you must focus on your current career accomplishments, goals, and opportunities in order to better impress the alumna of your alma mater.