"Contribute my passion in IT for the community" - personal statement for application

Hi everyone, I'm a university lecturer in central Indonesia and english is not my first language.
I'm applying for a scholarship for a coursework and here's my personal statement
The deadline would be tomorrow, sorry it's kind of little bit urgent, but any input, correction and help would be much appreciated :)

Cheers,
Joe

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I would like to take this opportunity to express my desire and passion in technology and how I'd like to contribute it to my community and hometown.

17 years ago, I was in the 5th grade of my elementary years when my dad brought in a new typing machine to our house. 14" colorless monitor and a bulky steel box with "Bye-bye typewriter " slogan on the side - The device is called personal computer, the newest technology in the town and my first serious encounter with technology. Years later my passion in computers grows fast. In college I took up a course in computer and turned my attention to a specific field of computer studies called Information Technology (IT) where I found my passion in computer networking. However, upon graduated with at bachelor degree, I found that the IT jobs around demanded more than what I've been taught in college. Subsequently, realized that technology progressed so quick, some things that I studied in college have become obsolete two or three years later and the toughness of job hunting in the capital city Jakarta, where most Indonesian freshgraduates go for start their career, raised the standards. Eventually, through a lot of self-learning, I managed to get a decent job at an NGO company sponsored by [nonprofit org name] called [ company name].

During my three and a half years career in the field, I have been working as IT officer and then IT Coordinator, handling all the IT aspects of the company. The duty of this position not only keeps me informed of the latest technology but also improves my ability and knowledge in IT management which incorporated within the company business and services area - something that I didn't learn in college. In late of 2011, I had a call to lecture in a private university in Airmadidi, a small town in North Sulawesi, central Indonesia. I took the position and found out that teaching is a blessing.

Teaching IT to "my younger generation" brought me on to a different world. It's a different kind of joy how to see students get excited as I share them my experience working in Jakarta. I could see myself as a college student in them, the desire and eagerness in learning computers and I found it as my teaching motivation: to better prepare them so they won't have to struggle like I did before. Even though I enjoyed about what I am doing now, yet technology in networking keeps advancing, and I realized that I need to catch up with it from the best source, so students would also gain some newer materials if not the latest. I felt that this is inevitable as in recent years globalization had been pushing advancement of technology, systems and communication all over the world and putting people in a borderless competition as never before. This situation ignites my passion and regards this as my responsibility to take part in narrowing the gap between Indonesia and the developed countries by teaching and nurturing the younger generations. These are the reasons I want to take up the challenge through a Master of Information Technology program in [university name] , where I believe one of the highest rated university that specialize in the IT field.

Upon returning to my country, I'd like to dedicate my time to the development of the local human resource in the IT field of my hometown, province and eventually the country as whole. My plan is to continue working as a lecturer and researcher in the IT area at the current university and help to add and expand more IT-related courses or even start a IT bachelor degree program in the faculty of computer science which isn't being offered yet in any of the three top universities in the province of Sulawesi Utara. I'd like also to develop a permanent partnership with local companies where they could hire last years students as internship, this would benefit the students by gaining real world experience and the companies for having resource with a less or no expense. And by the end of the contract, the university will provide the next intern candidates thus making it a continuous permanent benefit for the companies. At the end, by producing more local IT graduates it would contribute not only the local economy but also to the local knowledge economy. Knowledge generated from researches, projects and thesis would became assets for the university and can expandable and deployable to the government, non-profit organizations and the community as whole. And I believe with the training and education I would receive from this institution would equip me with the confidence, better knowledge in management and spot on skills to create and enhance the above objectives.

Hi thanks for the inputs :)
I have corrected it. and add/change few things.
As suggested, I have also re-phrased (in blue)
So this would be my final draft.
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I would like to take this opportunity to express my desire and passion for technology and how I'd like to contribute it to my community and hometown.

17 years ago, I was in the 5th grade of my elementary years when my dad brought in a new typing machine to our house. A 14" colorless monitor and a bulky steel box with "Bye-bye Typewriter" written on the side - the device, I discovered, was called a personal computer, the newest technology in town and my first serious encounter with technology. Years later my passion for computers grew fast. In college I took up a course in computers and turned my attention to the specific field of Information Technology (IT) where I found my keen interest in computer networking. However, upon graduating with a bachelor's degree, I found that the most IT jobs demanded more technical skills and knowledge than what I've been taught in college . I have subsequently realized that technology progresses so quickly, some things that I studied in college have become obsolete two or three years later and the toughness of job hunting in the capital city Jakarta, where most Indonesian freshgraduates go for start their career, raised the standards even more. Eventually, through a lot of self-learning, I managed to get a decent job at an NGO company sponsored by [nonprofit org name] called [ company name].

During my three and a half years in the field, I have been working as IT officer and then IT Coordinator, handling all the IT aspects of the company. The duty of this position not only keeps me informed of the latest technology but also improves my ability and knowledge in IT management, incorporated within the company's business and services area - some things that I didn't learn in college. In late 2011, I had a call to lecture in a private university in Airmadidi, a small town in North Sulawesi, central Indonesia. I took the position and found out that teaching is a blessing.

Teaching IT to "my younger generation" brought me to a different world. It's a different kind of joy to see how students get excited as I share with them my experience working in Jakarta. I could see myself as a college student in them, the desire and eagerness in learning computers and I found it as my teaching motivation: to better prepare them so they won't have to struggle like I did. Even though I enjoy what I am doing now, technology in networking keeps advancing, and I realized that I need to catch up with it from the best source, so students would also gain some newer materials if not the latest. I felt that this is inevitable as in recent years globalization had been pushing advancement of technology, systems and communication all over the world and putting people in a borderless competition as never before. This situation ignites my passion and I regard this as my responsibility to help narrow the gap between Indonesia and the developed countries by teaching and nurturing the younger generations. These are the reasons I want to take up the challenge through a Master of Information Technology program in [university name], which I believe is one of the highest-rated universities that specialize in the IT field.

Upon returning to my country, I'd like to dedicate my time to the development of the local human resource in the IT field of my hometown, province and eventually the country as whole. My plan is to continue working as a lecturer and researcher in the IT area at the current university and help to add and expand more IT-related courses or even start a IT bachelor degree program in the faculty of computer science which isn't being offered yet in any of the three top universities in the province of North Sulawesi. I'd like also to develop a permanent partnership with local companies where they could hire final year students as an internship, this would benefit the students by gaining real world experience and the companies for having resource with a less or no expense. And by the end of the contract, the university will provide the next intern candidate thus making it a continuous permanent benefit for the companies. At the end, by producing more local IT graduates it would contribute not only the local economy but also to the local knowledge economy. Knowledge generated from research, projects and theses would become assets for the university, expandable and deployable to the government, non-profit organizations and the community as whole. And I believe that the training and education I would receive from this institution would equip me with the confidence, better knowledge in management and spot on skills to create and enhance the above objectives.