Hai, good day everyone, here is my second essay for AAS supporting statement. I really need your help to read and review this essay for my application. Please, give me feedbacks on my writings. Thank you in advance :))
How will the proposed study contribute to your career?
My career goal is to become a geoscientist specialising in mineral resources. After working in the coal mining industry for one year, I realised that the government are trying to implement the energy transition towards clean energy to prevent climate change with the net-zero target by 2060. Certainly, preparations are needed, especially as it will be a mineral-intensive event of critical minerals, including rare-earth (REE). Therefore, I want to contribute to the REE Industry research and development, as I have experienced REE research during my undergraduate project. Moreover, I intend to join the Ministry of Energy and Mineral Resources as a geoscientist. However, I still lack the experience and knowledge to efficiently explore and exploit REE while adjusting to the tectonic complexities and developing REE mining projects.
Studying specialised courses of mineral resources in Master of Geoscience will increase my knowledge and practical skills to address the most crucial issue regarding REE, which is to estimate its reserve and distribution as initial data for investors. Hence, essential for developing my country's REE industry and economy.
When joining the Ministry of Energy and Mineral Resources, I want to focus on research for REE Industry's development and publish journals to educate people on REE. In addition to getting a career promotion, the experience of learning from Australia's experts in REE Industry will help me reach my career advancement to become the Head of Mineral and Coal Department. It will also help me assist the government with innovation for REE mining regulations. Eventually, upon completing the Master's degree, I will have a broader range of career options that benefit the mining industry and improve my country's economy while becoming a well-educated society and a highly trained professional.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 The response itself is strong, but could be stronger. You still have room within the 2K word count maximum so you can add information or, revise the essay to create more room for the content adjustment I will be suggesting. The only part of this essay that actually needs more clarification or a stronger explanation is the second paragraph. If you review it, you will find that you did not explain how the classes will help you create an action plan for your career in relation to estimating the needed reserves and distribution for the initial investors. Adding a sentence or two about how you envision yourself developing that action plan at the moment could help increase the interest level in your response.
