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Contributions to both countries after scholarship?

eimyat 2 / 2  
Jun 14, 2022   #1
This is my attempt. Please feel free to criticize me
I feel like something is missing in the last paragraph

Myanmar and japan contributions

Myanmar, being a developing country, is striking to meet an insatiable need for improvement in public and private sectors. One sector I would like to shed light on is hospitality industry which is one of the key factors in supporting a country's economy, as well as, plays a significant role in promoting its culture. Unlike Japan, the tourism in Myanmar has recently become famous among international communities. This is where I wish to contribute from the viewpoint of information engineering. Without being said, the conducted research and technologies related to that field is still limited in Myanmar. Throughout my study in Japan, I will absorb the required knowledge, meet up with other scholars to seek advice and discuss the progress and possible improvement of my works.

Since my work is in the overlapping area of tourism and computer science, in future, it will become a bridge to advanced researches not only in the same field but also in other fields, such as business management and market research. Additionally, I plan to join the related working industry where I can apply the theories into the real-world.

Upon my return to Myanmar, I will attend the knowledge sharing, seminars and workshops related to my field as many as I can to share my acquired results through this program as well as my experiences in Japan, with the hope to inspire fellow students like my mentors did to me. Joining such programs will help spread the positive aspects that I wish to carry back to my home country, like conscientiousness, deep devotion to work and cleanliness
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Jun 14, 2022   #2
Where is the focus on how you will contribute to the relationship of Mynmar and Japan? The focus is only on how your home country can benefit from your studies abroad. Japan wants to know what you can contribute to the development of the international relations of the two countries upon your graduation. That has been severely overlooked in this essay. You must balance the discussion to show the benefits that both nations can stand to gain from your participation upon your completion of studies. These may be in the form of promoting Japan as an academic destination or something similar. Write a totally new essay. This presentation is not properly focused nor balanced in discussion representation. Think of how you can promote Japan in your country after you complete your studies. Think diplomatic relations.

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