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Creativity in Using Communication Platforms -- Application for AAS

Hatif 2 / 5 1  
Mar 12, 2017   #1
Hi Guys. This is my essay for AAS Master Degree Program. Any inputs or insights on my essay so that it would be more concise (2000 characters) and effective would be very much appreciated. The specific question is: How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform? (Be specific and include: what aspect/s of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective; which people or organisations you worked with to solve the problem; and what creative methods were used.)

my effectiveness in practice

In my role as Head of Information and Communication Department of International Relations Students Association (HIMA HI) in 2013-2014, I was responsible for a team of seven in managing the flow of information from HIMA HI. Our tasks were very crucial in supporting the success of any events since we have to engage the mass to attend programs/events conducted by HIMA HI for a one year event. Our main approach was to use social media platforms-Twitter, Facebook, and Website-to promote and inform the events. Having previously enrolled in the Dept. of Information and Communication for two years prior as the head of department, I have observed that the current system of HIMA HI in promoting events was ineffective and passive since the attendance rate were very small despite our department had executed our main duty perfectly-with arranged deadlines and comprehensive information provided. As my capacity to lead the current team in 2013, it was my responsibility to change this ineffective approach.

During my lead, I introduced new platforms to my department: a weekly information note and an information board. A rather traditional form of communication platform compared to the social media that I believed will be much more attractive in engaging participants to attend HIMA HI events. My plan was to give 'sneak-peek' with the weekly information note and information board of the upcoming events and information provided in social media, a supporting platform to the main platform. I intrigued the mass to anticipate and expect main information to be provided in social media with unique questions, jokes, or striking facts related to the upcoming events. With this approach, our performances were quantified-unlike promoting information in social media, we could determine how many notes were delivered-and we also could monitor the target of audiences more effectively; which one need to be engaged more for a particular theme of the event.

Our first event using these new platforms was successful. Not only the participants attending HIMA HI event was significantly increased by more than 50%, the 'sneak-peek' approach also resulted with more interaction on our social media platforms. We gained many retweets, likes, and shares on Twitter and Facebook of our event by the people answering our unique questions and striking facts. In December 2014, our success in supporting the events of HIMA HI was greatly appreciated as the Information and Communication Department under my lead was announced 'The Best Department of The Year'.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,564 2483  
Mar 12, 2017   #2
Hatif, you need to create an idea that part of your leadership skills in this instance included the ability to be able to delegate tasks to your team members. You are being asked to portray your leadership abilities in the essay and being a leader does not mean being a one man team. the projection in this essay is that you thought up the ideas, you promoted it, and it was successful because of everything that you did. There as no shared tasks with the team members, there was no necessary cooperation with other organizations in your school or the school authorities, and all you needed was the sneak peek and social media to get the job done. This essay is not asking you to be superman. It is asking you to be "cooperative"-man, in a way. Show how your leadership skills, when combined with the help of others around you, resulted in a completely successful reformatting of the program. What role did others play in this instance? How did you manage to get their cooperation or interest in supporting your organization towards a successful event? Just revise the first and second paragraph. The third paragraph is well within the prompt expectations and needs no revision at this point.
OP Hatif 2 / 5 1  
Mar 12, 2017   #3
Hi @Holt, thanks for your insights. After incorporating your comments, here is my revised version. As you can see, I couldn't come up with 2000 char limit, could you please help me erasing ineffective sentences or give me any tips to shorten my essay? Thank you so much for your help.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,564 2483  
Mar 12, 2017   #4
In the first paragraph, there is no need to indicate that you were previously a member only of the organization. Since you were elected the leader of the group, it stands to reason that you were formerly a member who got promoted to a leadership role. Removing that reference will lower the word count for your essay. Directly discuss the problems you came across within the group upon your assumption of office. In the second paragraph, remove the reference to your assumption and just indicate the problems from the participant's point of view. In the last paragraph. Just conclude by indicating that participation increased, using the new method and that your social media presence also increased in a viral manner. There is no need to be so specific in the conclusion due to your character limitations in the essay. Combined, the results of your character count should not be more than 2000 characters anymore.
OP Hatif 2 / 5 1  
Mar 16, 2017   #5
Hi @Holt, thank you so much for your feedbacks. My essay is now concise in term of the 2000 char limits--really close though, 1992 characters. Your feedbacks were really useful to convey my message.

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