PLEASE KINDLY HELP ME TO REVIEW MY ESSAY
Please say how, on your return, you will apply your new skills and qualifications, and describe the outcomes you will hope to achieve together with the timeframe for their implementation. These outcomes could usefully be related to a national development priority or objective. Please, also suggest how the impact of the potential benefits of your work might be measured and describe a typical beneficiary from the study.
At Independence in 1960, Nigeria's population size of about 56 million was about that of Britain, 56 year later,(2016). Britain's population is about 65million people while Nigeria is about 186 million. Nigeria is the most populous country in Africa and the seventh most populous country in the world with annual population growth of 3.2 percent and total fertility rate 5.5 percent with variations across states and regions. Most projections place Nigeria as the third most populous country behind India and China by 2050.
It is pertinent to note that the current acts of terrorism and other manifestations of inequalities and injustice are indicators of the extreme violence that a large population of jobless, hopeless and frustrated people will visit on one another and their perceived oppressors in the future.According to the data released by the World bank, it shows Nigeria lags behind in the major global socio-economic indicators. For about a decade now, the non-inclusive Economic growth pattern of Nigeria has made more Nigerians to live in Poverty-line, If Nigeria hopes to Achieve his vision of achieving an inclusive growth plan in the year 2020 According to The Nigeria Economic Recovery and Growth Plan (2015-2020) (ERGP) and also achieving SDG Goal 8 (promoting sustained, inclusive and sustainable economic growth) by 2030, Then there is need to invest in his people through fostering social inclusion, job creation and youth empowerment and improved human capital.
This is the reason I am applying to be awarded a Commonwealth Shared Scholarship to pursue a master's degree in .................. in University of ............, United Kingdom . The programme will help me develop proficient and Quantitative skills in development policy analysis, design and management as well as enhances my professionalism.
Upon completion of this course, I will use the skills and knowledge to make significant contribution to National Development. I will apply to work as a development analyst at the National Planning commission where I will champion evidenced-based programme and policy, Engaging in innovative home-grown developmental policies aimed at encouraging private sector participation in national development which will ultimately leads to job creation which will help to reduce poverty and also address the root causes of migration and violent extremism.
I will provide accurate information that will aid in gauging the impact I am making towards development, The Commonwealth scholarship commission can keep track of my involvements by maintaining close contact via Email and the CSC Social media page(Twitter and Facebook), In addition I will be attending programmes and conferences organized by DFID,
First of all, I think you need to add transitions between your paragraphs. For example, the first paragraph is talking about the increasing population of Nigeria, while the second abruptly transit the topic to the poverty and poor development of economics. I think it would be better to reconsider the logic that connects them together, and make it clear to the readers. Also, you need to address specifically how the beneficial effects of your skills will be measured, as it asked in the instructions.
Your first paragraph is out of place. Don't give the reviewer a historical lecture. He doesn't have the time for that. Give a more definitive idea behind Nigeria 2020 in the second paragraph by explaining how you hope to make a contribution to that program (a possible study plan) during your studies and thereafter. Focus more on explaining what skills and training you hope to use as a member of the National Planning Commission. The prompt asks you to present a clear idea for the project, its implementation guidelines, and success measurement based upon a typical beneficiary of your study. These particular sections are barely touch upon in your current version. So this essay needs to be deleted and you will have to write a new essay that is more aligned with the prompt requirements. Take your time. Outline your responses first and make sure you are extensively explaining the requirements in a manner that will impress the reviewer. Right now, this essay looks more like a horribly drafted brainstorming list.