Hello Friends,
Please kindly read my home country benefit and make comments. It is a commonwealth shared scholarship essay.
The essay should answer the following points:
Firstly, how the proposed study relates to a developmental needs.
Secondly, how the plan of study relates to development in the sector and country.
Thirdly, how, on return, the scholar will apply his/her new skills and qualifications, and the outcomes he/she hope to achieve.
Lastly, how the impact of the potential benefits of the scholar's work might be measured.
my home country benefit
Steady power supply is a fundamental requirement for national development and good living standard. Nearly six decades after independence, Nigeria still grapples with electricity challenges. The current generation is just about 4285.90MW, which is far below the estimated 160,000MW required to satisfy the country's need. Furthermore, this generated amount is insufficient for urban communities let alone rural communities whom are remote and too expensive to connect to the grids. This hinders development and adversely affects the standard of living of the populace of these communities.
My rural community of XXXX in XXXX State, Nigeria, is one of these affected communities. This community is endowed with arable land and, according to 2006 census, has over 1040 inhabitants, mostly farmers. More than 20,000 tonnes of rice and palm oil are produced annually in this community. However, the community has been cut-off from power supply for almost a decade now, with attendant negative consequences. For example, kerosene lamps, despite their dangerous fume emissions and the health risks are used to light up homes. The cottage industries are run using generating sets, resulting in an increased production cost and dangerous air and noise pollution levels.
One of my greatest dreams is to solve this deplorable situation and bring relief to my community and the country at large. Thus, I decided to pursue my career in engineering, with special interest on energy. In my final year of undergraduate studies in the department of mechanical engineering, XXXX University, Nigeria, I had undertaken a research work on energy generation for a household of four using renewable energy technology (RET). As an affordable and clean energy, I believe electricity generation using RET is suitable for this community, considering the enormous renewable energy potentials in XXXX- an average solar radiation of 5.25kWh/m2/day over an average period of 6 hours daily (Bala, 2014).
Pursuing further studies in this sector, will equip me with the requisite knowledge and skills to develop strategies to harness these enormous resources. Thus, the University XXXXXX, a prestigious university and a hub of renewable energy studies, is an ideal choice for me to pursue a master programme in renewable energy engineering, with emphasis on solar energy generation. Thus, if gotten, the Commonwealth Scholarship will afford me a great opportunity to learn from world renown experts, have access to advanced research facilities, and interact with other international students. The skills I will have acquired at the end of the programme would enable me to develop off-grid solar energy system for this community.
Upon graduation, I intend to work with the SHESTCO Silicon Valley project- a newly commissioned research park for renewable energy in Nigeria, where I will participate actively in knowledge dissemination, conduct cutting-edge research, that will lead to cheaper and more efficient solar photovoltaic devices. The impact of these activities will contribute to the manpower development in renewable energy, leading to the realization of the Renewable Energy Master Plan (REMP) in Nigeria.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Ukashat, when the essay referred to development needs, it did not mean for you to concentrate the discussion on your community needs alone. The proper answer to that part of the prompt requirements was asking you to discuss the power situation in your country and the current government projects that exist to try and resolve the issue. It is this government project that should directly tie in with your interest in gaining this masters degree and also, create the professional path that you wish to undertake. Your response should relate with the government project.
One mistake often made in these essays is that the student often refers to outside sources as if he were writing a research paper. You have to remove that whole paragraph from this essay. It does not help to move the essay along since it is not a summary of your potential study plan or thesis statement while a masters student. The only presentation required for the second prompt is, "How do you plan to resolve the issue by way of your studies? What research will you do that will be applicable to the problem as per your government plan to resolve the issue of power shortage?"
Since you did not properly respond to prompt number 2, your response to question number 3 was automatically wrong as well. Note that the essay is asking you how you will apply what you have learned during your time as an MS student. It is not asking you what you expect to learn. So paragraph 4 is totally irrelevant to your essay. You summed up prompts 4 and 5 in your final paragraph. Unfortunately, you did not indicate how the success of your project can be measured by the scholarship so that the response you wrote became incomplete. Try to develop a separate response for the measurement portion.
