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my curiosity and desire to learn; Scholarship/why deserve


Shpresa 4 / 10 1  
Jun 25, 2013   #1
Please give me your feedback in this scholarship essay. What should I change in the content, grammar? Also, i'm not sure if scholarship essays should have titles. .?

here's the prompt: Write an essay that will convince the selection panel that you deserve the scholarship.

Help Me Make My Story Real

Ever since I was a child, I enjoyed reading books, especially fairy tales like the Sleeping Beauty. Soon though, I found out that magic wands did not exist and no one had ever met a real fairy. Most importantly, I realized that I was not a princess, so nothing would come to me by just sitting and waiting. Instead, I had to work hard to be a successful student.

During my middle school years, my curiosity and desire to learn helped me get good grades and develop a deeper understanding of the value of the education. However, during my high school, it was not so easy. Every day, I had to travel from my village, Novosellë, to the town of Gjakova, where my school was. This meant days of waking up earlier than my classmates, walking for many kilometers in all types of weather, catching the bus and then reaching the school. After school, I worked. I studied in the little time I could squeeze in between school and work. These were difficult times and I often faced money issues. That's why I began analyzing more the financial problems our society, especially young generations were facing. However, distance and work did not stop me from succeeding. On the contrary, they increased my commitment to school and helped me develop a work ethic. Furthermore, these challenging experiences and the fact that I attended classes at the Social Sciences profile of Hajdar Dushi gymnasium helped me develop an interest in economics. Later, during my senior year, after I moved to the U.S. as a Youth Exchange and Study (YES) student, I faced obstacles as well. Now I had to cope with another busy schedule and balance my time between school and many extracurricular activities. I became more flexible and more determined to succeed. Getting challenged academically seemed unlikely to happen, since foreign students are usually held back a year. Still, I enrolled in senior classes and worked successfully throughout my courses with a 4.0 GPA. At this time, I was seriously considering economics as my future career.

A month ago, I graduated. Now, shaped and with a clear vision, I am seeking a place to get fully developed. I believe AUK is the only place where I can get an education that will help me pursue my dreams. My long term goal is to start a company in Kosovo to aid the development of Kosovo. This will be possible if I continue my studies at AUK with the help of your scholarship. I am thrilled by your undergraduate courses and career programs, especially co-op, as a hands-on experience, which give me a greater insight of the business world. I believe I am the best candidate for your scholarship because my life experiences have taught me to be insightful, hardworking and determined. My unique background, my broad horizon, and my enthusiasm make me different. The obstacles I went through during my high school never held me back. In contrary, they motivated me to continue ahead to pursue my dreams. By helping me to make the education affordable, you will help not only me but also the people around me, for my aim is to make a positive change in society. I know the importance of education, and I will use the scholarship in the best way.

I still enjoy reading books, but now my favorites are true stories. Help me make my story real.
Michaelangelo - / 3  
Jun 25, 2013   #2
Shpresa
Dear, this is a good piece, and I must confess quite moving. I think having a title is necessary, and also proof reading the essay, paying attention to the definite articles used will shapen the work.
Didgeridoo - / 306 191  
Jun 26, 2013   #3
Very unique use of fairy tales as a hook! This was a very engaging read. Best of luck!
Michaelangelo - / 3  
Jun 26, 2013   #4
Didgeridoo
my own experience is quite different from yours, and is ineluctably tied to my cultural experience as an African. But I would suggest you make some research like asking your parent or anybody close to you to recollect to you some of the experiences you seek. LOL!
Didgeridoo - / 306 191  
Jun 26, 2013   #5
Michaelangelo

I don't really understand your comment. Are you referring to this:

I get that certain classes would have made you interested in economics, but how did your experiences make you interested in economics?

I'm not asking this question because I can't imagine or speculate on any answers. I'm just asking it because I'm trying to eliminate sources of confusion in Shpresa's essay, and readers might not be able to draw the connection between the experiences and being interested in economics. However, it's just a suggestion and Shpresa is more than welcome to ignore it...
Michaelangelo - / 3  
Jun 27, 2013   #6
Didgeridoo
ok. How did my experience contribute to my choice of economics as a career? You may decide to include experiences you had that were influenced by the state of the economy, financial decisions and actions that may have caused some strain, or even your experience with the financial and capital markets. As you rightly pointed out, give more specifics, they are more convincing. Thanks.
OP Shpresa 4 / 10 1  
Jun 30, 2013   #7
Thank you soooo much!!! :)) You've helped me a lot! I really appreciate it:)


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