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I was a very curious child; My goals/ Scholarship

New1234 2 / 20 4  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
Hi All,
This is my essay and I will be gratful if you could check it out and correct anything in it from grammer to everthing...
Please fell free to change any words that u think fits the best.
The essay is about my goals, ambition and what will this scholarship mean to you.

During my childhood I was very curious to know everything surrounded me. Having a passion to learn, invent new things and make experiments.
Living for four years in United Kingdom a multi-cultural country made me interact with people from different backgrounds and open my mind into the world. I became interested in discovering new cultures and diversities.

Coming from an educated family I took all the complements to succeed in my education. Although I can't afford my education expenses, my dad who obtains a Ph.D. in Architecture supported me and taught me to never give up my dream.

As a competitive person I like to challenge myself, this made me place first in one of the top high schools in Libya.

My ambition can't be described as a normal ambition for an ordinary person; I can see myself among the magnificent people who influenced the word, having Nobel Prize for solving major problems like global warming and discovering cure for Aids.

These achievements don't come by dreaming only but with hard work and strong motivation, which made me investigate on the global warming issue, reaching to a solution not only solves this issue but to adaption it to an energy resource.

Ana University has high quality facilities, Brilliant connoisseurs and an ideal environment for studying, which make it one of the leading universities in the World.

Studying at Ana University will enhance my abilities to be a successful person towards my career making me an active pioneer in society. I am confident that I will be a helpful member at this outstanding university . Last year I had a scholarship to study in Canada, but when the Libyan uprising happened all the embassies closed and I lost my scholarship, but I never lost hope of having a good education.

y0_3mma 19 / 28 6  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
During my childhood I was very curious and I wanted to know everything that surrounded me. Having a passion for learning , inventing new things and making experiments.(this sentence is not finished)

sorry to hear about your scholarship. your pharagraps are too short. try to stick a few of them together.
OP New1234 2 / 20 4  
Dec 30, 2012   #3
Thank you so much,
The essay have to be maximum 300 words so I'm trying to make it as shorter as i could...
and yes I did conclude to a solution but it needs more research and fund to make it happen.
if there is any other thing that needs adjustment please tell me.
y0_3mma 19 / 28 6  
Dec 30, 2012   #4
ok then.

These achievements do not come overnight , but with hard work and a strong motivation everything could happen . My interest and desire to find innovative solutions compelled/determined me to investigate the problem of global warming and I successfully found a solution. Unfortunately, the lack of funds prevented me from completing my research.
OP New1234 2 / 20 4  
Dec 30, 2012   #5
Merci very much...
What do u think of this essay, does it need more work?? do i need to explain more my interests?
please rate it
sakura741 - / 7  
Dec 30, 2012   #6
Maybe you should talk about how living in the UK has opened your mind instead of just telling us that? Also you said you lived in the UK, but then you said you graduated from one of the top high schools in Libya, perhaps explain this? Overall I think your essay is very promising!
OP New1234 2 / 20 4  
Dec 30, 2012   #7
Thank you very much indeed...
As i said the maximum words of the essay supposed to be 300 words, i have already reached the limit.
I was thinking of deleting a pharagraph because i have very much to say but i am very confused.
could u please help

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