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Curiousity helps me learn quick - Scholarship Essay (Diversity)


conheomap 3 / 6  
Feb 5, 2010   #1
Question: Describe how you can contribute to the diversity of the University and the value you see in service to the community.
(I think my essay is weak, but that's all I've got. Any comments will do!! Thank you)

My early school years in Vietnam were horrible. Since 1st grade, every year, I had to either retake the exam or passed with passing grades. I thought I didn't have the ability to study up to peers. After the 6th grade, my mom got worried and had me take tutor classes outside of school. By the end of 7th grade, my grades improved significantly from a used-to-be passing grade to almost honor status. Only one class held me back. The 8th grade was even better. The County School District organized an exam for advance students including Math, English, and Literature. Every school in the County picked their candidates. I and four other candidates were honored to represent the school for Math subject. The exam was tougher than I expected, but we all passed. Passing brought honor to the school, the class, and the family. Ironically, Math was the subject I failed in 6th grade. After two years, I was good at it and even placed in one of the top students in Math within the school.

By then end of my junior year, I moved to America with my family. Everything was different. The one thing I noticed most was the computer. We didn't have many computers in school back in Vietnam by that time yet. I still remember I had my DOS class and didn't know any clue about it. One day, my dad brought home a PC. He got it from a friend. The PC was old, but was still better than the one I used back in Vietnam. After a year or so, I got obsessed with building computer. Rapid changing technologies persuaded me to upgrade the parts. To learn how to upgrade I had to dig for the answers either from internet or websites. From this, I started to gain more and more knowledge. Correcting failures and errors did even more. From a novice user, I became more advanced. Through these two experiences, I noticed about myself that whatever I like to do, my curiosity will get there and far beyond the expectation.

EF_Kevin [Contributor] 8 / 13,762 129  
Feb 5, 2010   #2
Since first grade, every year, I either had to retake the exam or passed only with pas sing grades. I thought I didn't have the ability to study at the same level as my peers.

...had me take tutor classes outside of school. After this, add the THESIS STATEMENT, which tells the central message of the whole essay.
Then, begin paragraph 2:
By the end of 7th grade, my grades improved...

Start paragraph 3 like this:
By then At the end of my junior year, I moved to America with my family, and this was a significant turning point in my life because ______________ . Everything ...

:-)


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