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My Dad - family member that has been influential in your life


seancron 2 / 2  
Feb 22, 2011   #1
Dad
The driving reason behind my high school success is my father. As I am entering into adulthood, I have come to appreciate just how hard my dad has worked for my family. He works every day for 12 hours including weekends my whole life. For the first half of my life he worked the same schedule while spending 3 hours travelling to and from work. The most remarkable trait in my dad is that he has never once complained about working. He gets up at two in the morning and heads in to work without a word of protest. Although he works his butt off, he comes home every day in a great mood and tries his best to make it out to all of my athletic and academic events. I could never thank him enough in words, so I thank him in my school work. I study hard so that I can have a different life than my dad, so that I can spend more time with my family than he ever could. I do it all for him.
cathchen 4 / 16  
Feb 22, 2011   #2
Dad
The driving reason behind my high school success is my father. As I am entering into adulthood, I have come to appreciate just how hard my dad has worked for my family. He works every day for 12 hours including weekends in my whole life. For the first half of my life he worked the same schedule while spending 3 hours travelling to and from work. The most remarkable trait in my dad is that he has never once complained about working. He gets up at two in the morning and heads in to work without a word of protest. Although he works his butt off, he comes home every day in a great mood and tries his best to make it out to all of my athletic and academic events. I could never thank him enough in words, so I thank him in my school work. I study hard so that I can have a different life than my dad, so that I can spend more time with my family than he ever could. I do it all for him.

Note, Hi Sean, it's a very nice essay about your Dad. I'm sure your dad is proud of you. The essay itself is brief yet touching. It lays out the best attributes you find in your dad, and that makes it a very simple yet nice essay.
dora81 3 / 8  
Feb 22, 2011   #3
Dad

The driving reason behind my high school success is my father. As I am entering into adulthood, I have come to appreciate just how hard my dad has worked for my family. He works every day for twelve hours including weekends my whole life. For the first half of my life, he worked the same schedule while spending three hours travelling to and from work. The most remarkable trait in my dad is that he has never once complained about working. He gets up at two in the morning and heads to work without a word of protest. Although he works his butt off, he comes home every day in a great mood and tries his best to make it out to all of my athletic and academic events. I could never thank him enough in words, so I thank him in my school work. I study hard in order to have a different life than my dad;I want to spend more time with my family than he ever could. He is my inspiration and I do it all for him.

Wonderful thoughts! You are blessed to have a great father :)
bnguyen29 1 / 4  
Feb 22, 2011   #4
Is this essay supposed to be informal? "Although he works his butt off" may be way too informal for certain readers.

The driving reason behind my high school success is my father. As I am entering into adulthood, I have come to appreciate just how hard my dad has worked for my family. He works every day for 12 hours including weekends my whole life. For the first half of my life he worked the same schedule while spending 3 hours traveling to and from work. The most remarkable trait in my dad is that he has never once complained about working. He gets up at two in the morning and heads in to work without a word of protest. Although he has a tough job , he comes home every day in a great mood and tries his best to make it out to all of my athletic and academic events. I could never thank him enough in words, so I show my appreciation for him in my school work. I study hard so that I can have a different life than my dad, so that I can spend more time with my family than he ever could. I do it all for him.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 3, 2011   #5
Verb tense problem here:
He works every day for 12 twelve hours, including weekends, and it has been this way throughout my whole life.

Although he works his butt off, he comes home every day in a great mood and tries his best to make it out to all of my athletic and academic events. This is redundant. You already made the point. Use this space to mention something about how his influence helped you determine your current goal. Having current goals is impressive. What are they?

I could never thank him enough in words, so I thank him in my school work. ---excellent!!

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