Essay 2: Select One (500 word limit)
Please write on ONE of the following topics:
Option 1: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. 41 words
June 21st, 2012 is a day I will never forget, even if I wanted to. As horrible as that day was, I wouldn't want to forget it because it has made me who I am today. I come from a large family and I have many cousins who I am very close with. On June 21st, I woke up at seven in the morning to a phone call from Andrea, my best friend and cousin, who was hysterical. Her older brother, my cousin, had committed suicide sometime during the night. I can remember feeling numb and I was in shock, none of it felt real. I didn't want to believe her and I almost didn't believe her, but I knew it was true. Sometimes, to this day, it doesn't even feel like it actually happened, but then reality hits me.
Ever since that wake up call, I've realized that you have to live your life to the fullest. There have been times I wanted to give up, but I didn't because I know it's not worth it. What my cousin didn't realize was that he had an immense amount of people, both family and friends, who cared about him. I've learned that when it comes to people's feelings, you can't be selfish. As hard as it is to say, Johnny was very selfish that night because some people fight for the right to live and he just gave up. I'm not mad at my cousin because there's no point in that, I just miss him endlessly. I've learned so much since that day. Andrea chose to cope with the loss in a negative way. We are no longer as close as we used to be, and I miss her being a part of my everyday life. The difference between the two of us is that I've learned that I can't live in the past and keep wishing for Johnny to come back because my future is waiting for me. The tragedy of losing someone you love, especially in such a horrible way, is a difficult thing to deal with. You have to learn to focus on the good memories and not the loss itself. To me, losing Johnny was a learning experience. It's definitely an awful one that I didn't want to have to experience so young, but I can't hide from my life. I need to make something of myself for him, because he will never get that chance to do that. I want to pursue a career where I can help other people who are going through a similar struggle. Whether it's actually studying the brain or listening to other people's difficulties, I know that I can use my experiences to help people like me. June 21st is a day that has a negative connotation, which is accurate, but I also try to appreciate the positive motivation and determination I have learned because of that day.
First off: you're a strong writer. Your first paragraph commands the reader's attention. The second paragraph lacks the clarity of the first. I feel essays like these actually have three parts: (1) recounting the event itself (2) evaluating its immediate impact and (3) evaluating its long-term impact. Try to distinguish between (2) and (3).
In your second paragraph, you say you "realized that you have to live your life to the fullest." Give me an example of that. When have you wanted to give up, but have refused to? Show me, instead of telling me.
It's perfectly fine for you to talk about how this has made you feel, but focus even more on what this has made you do and how this has made you you.
I come from a large family and I have many cousins who I am very close with.
I have a very large extended family and I am very close with many of my cousins.Her older brother, my cousin, had committed suicide sometime during the night
Her older brother, who is also my cousin, had committed suicide the previous night.I can remember feeling numb and I was in shock, none of it felt real. I didn't want to believe her and I almost didn't believe her, but I knew it was true.
You try to be too descriptive here which finally results in lots of repetition of ideas. Skim what is important and make it shorter.
