UWC school/college ADMISSION
A personal statement (within 300 words) explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school/college and reflecting on UWC's mission and values, what you might contribute to the school/college and what you would hope to gain from the experience.
I don't have much experience in writing essays. This is the first draft. Let me know what do you feel about it.
My desire to attend a renowned institution like United World College has been born mainly because it provides a culturally diverse environment to the students, as well as the UWC values, and a century appropriate curriculum of International Baccalaureate. I have always been eager to study abroad, explore around the globe, and bring a positive change for a better world and I firmly believe that UWC can provide me the opportunities I am looking for.
The more I find out about UWC, the more I feel like I want to be there. The challenging IB curriculum, cultural exchanges, the idea of living and studying abroad with people from all over the world in a two year long experience excites me a lot. I understand that UWC asks much more than academic qualities. I have always been engaged in a wide range of activities with passion rather than only focusing on achieving good grades. I think that the UWC movement aligns with my values and I am confident that I have the mindset and characteristics to contribute to the amazing UWC community.
As I have mentioned earlier, one of the reasons for my interest towards UWC is its diversity. Going to a special class for students who do not know Danish Language in Denmark, I have experienced the beauty and the value of diversity. Even though the class mainly focuses on Danish language and culture, I have also learned a lot about other cultures and countries as most of the students of the class came from different backgrounds and countries. Learning about these cultures have helped me understand different perspectives of the world and its variations. That is why I love diversity and hope to learn more about other cultures, different perspectives and beliefs by studying in UWC.
In the two years at UWC I hope to make the best use of the opportunities and resources at UWC. I want to join the sports teams, be active and participate in ECA's, CAS and other similar programs. I also look forward to making friends from different backgrounds, understanding their point of view, have fun and adventures and be more compassionate to others. And most importantly I hope to gain a deeper understanding of the world and become a better human being.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,511 3437
You sound like you are merely mouthing the information that is readily available on the website of UWC rather than actually justifying your interests, qualifications, and embodiment of what UWC stands for. That is what the personal statement should be explaining and defining in your presentation. That is what you current presentation has failed to do.
Discard this essay in its totality. In its place, develop an essay that focuses on the core values of UWC as you feel you successfully represent in who you are today. For every core value, explain how you are the living example of that value. Refer to how you use that value to help others in your community, make the reviewer understand that you will not only uphold the UWC values as a student, but also help improve upon what already exists of its various core values.
Based on the core values that you represent, give a discussion of what you hope to experience during your 2 years as a student there. This could be a personal development aspect, an social consciousness based on on the diversity of the student community, or something else that would help depict you as a student who looks to become a globalized person through your studies at UWC.