hi.currently im applying for a scholarship.the dateline is on 23rd march.would you consider editing my essay?its about my personal details. pls!i need to send it by monday.thank you so much
Born in a traditional Malay family, i was raised in a hard-working environment and surrounded by well-educated people since i was young. This ambience has helped me to develop strengths in myself such as being a good listener and quick learner with persevering nature too. I am truly indebted to them all, whose determination for success fired my long life passion for learning and made me realise what i wanted to be in the future.
For my academic life, i have had good chances to study in prominent institutions which significantly enhance my initiative to study hard. During my schooldays, i received Anugerah Penghormatan Pengetua for every semester for my achievements in exams. Although i did not take part actively in sports, i did engage in being a treasurer and secretary in society and uniform bodies.
I had the opportunity to pursue my Foundation in Science long before my SPM results was out, due to my excellent result for my SPM trial exam. I received tuition-waiving scholarship from Majlis Amanah Rakyat to fund my education in Universiti Teknologi MARA. Somehow, upon finishing my foundation, i came to a crossroad in my life. I realised that becoming a doctor is not what i want to as my future career. As a result, i only managed to get 3.67 for my CGPA which does not meet the requirement. However, i was not very disappointed as by then i have already made up my mind to take up mathematics related course. I finally aware that i actually have very strong inclination towards mathematics. After much deliberation on all the pros and cons, i decided to take up actuarial science course. I believe that Malaysia still lacks of chartered actuaries. To date, study shows that there are only about 63 chartered actuaries throughout Malaysia.
My reason for choosing this career goal is because of the future prospects that this course offers. i hope to get acquaint with the culture and activities at research mathematics and i wish to develop a skill in reading professional-level mathematics. Furthermore, i have always been particularly intrigued by how economic structures work collectively to bring about greater progress particularly to this country. I feel that combining actuarial studies and economic will enable me to take a firm foothold and embark on a career in financial business sectors. By embarking on this career field, it is undoubtable that it can bring xxxxx xxxxxxto a greater level in many years to come.
Ultimately, mathematics becomes my passion. Functions, formulas and fractions all made sense to me. I could easily work simple math problems and apply the concepts into real life. Mathematics somehow became something more than mere numbers and symbols to me. It is the basis that brings about economic research and gravity defying skyscrapers. In big ways and small, math has a role in everyone's life.
While waiting for the commencement to take place somewhere later in June, i am preparing myself for my freshman years. Presently, i am taking up communication English course, public speaking course and other short courses at a local community college. I am hoping that i can improve my spoken English besides building up my self-confidence. At the same time, i offer free tuition to orphans at an orphanage as my social responsibility besides honing my leadership skills.
Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If we were to go through our lives without any obstacles, we would be very naive to what happens around us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Throughout my whole life, i have learned that obstacles, struggles or a "bump in the road" are things that we just have to go through for us to grow and be a better person. Now that i have learned from my flaws, i know i am imperfect but i will give the best in my studies if i get to continue my degree in actuarial science.
In order for me to pursue a degree course in this field, i wish to be awarded scholarship so that i could concentrate on my studies without worrying about the expenses incurred, throughout the duration of three years. I would be very grateful if one day my parents were to say," Thank God, my only daughter is an actuary!". What could be more rewarding than that?
*xxxx xxx: name of the company tht im applying for scholarship
This is some very impressive writing. I think it shows that you are bilingual, and your ability to write so clearly in English is impressive. Here is an example of something that shows that English is not your first language:
I am truly indebted to them all, whose determination for success fired my long life lifelong passion for learning and ... ----- this is still excellent, even though you wrote long life.
"for" is unnecessary here:
...received Anugerah Penghormatan Pengetua for every semester for my achievements in exams.
Most of this (below) is in the past verb tense, so put the first verb in the past tense, too:
Ultimately, mathematics became my passion. Functions, formulas and fractions all made sense to me. I could easily work simple math problems and apply the concepts into real life. Mathematics somehow became...
I hope you capitalize "I" in the final draft:
Presently, I am...
... taking up a communication English course, a public speaking course, and other short courses at a local community college.
...in this field, I wish to be awarded scholarship so that I can concentrate on my studies without worrying about the expenses incurred th roughout the duration of three years.
Get rid of the period after the exclamation mark:
I would be very grateful if one day my parents were to say," Thank God, my only daughter is an actuary!" W hat could be more rewarding than that?--- great, great, great ending.
These corrections are minor. Sorry I did not get to it sooner! If you sent it out already, i am sure they will be impressed. These corrections are not so important.
Hello Sakinah,
Your essay inspiring me, and I thinks it's perfect. Maybe just a suggestion, be consistent in writing I, use Capital.
