Our dependence on fossil fuel amounts to global pyromania, and the only fire extinguisher we have at our disposal is renewable energy. The important role energy plays in life has sparked a deep interest in me to explore this field of engineering at the master's level of study. I am particularly interested in exploring how energy can be efficiently used and possibly provide alternative source of sustainable energy in the agricultural sector here in my home country of Nigeria where the erratic supply of hydro-electric power has caused a major set back in her economical development as a nation especially in the Agricultural and production sectors. In achieving this goal, I had a B.sc in Agricultural engineering with a second class upper (hons) as one of the best in the department. More so, I currently enrolled for an Energy Technology and Policy course on edxorg in which I am learning to be fluent in energy and come to terms with global energy issues. My undergraduate seminar was also focused on analyzing the effect of greenhouse gases on the productivity of rice field. During my undergraduate, I teamed up with a colleague on the design and fabrication of a glycerin separator for biodesel production. I hope to learn new and innovative methods on how other forms of energy can be harnessed effectively and meeting future energy demands and learn more about cogeneration and energy efficiency as well as renewable energy technologies that would improve sustainable energy.
I have served in a number of capacities one of which is at the National Strategic Grain Reserve where I worked as an intern Engineer. I also acquired skills in graphics design, 3D machine drawing and design, design of water distribution network using the EPANET software coupled with an indepth knowledge of the piano and guitar. I have been involved in different volunteer groups that develop my community in which I and a group of colleagues team up in the Google-map up event to map-up streets and establishments for efficient navigation on the Google map, this earned me a certificate of recognition from Google inc.
At leisures, I go for musical concerts especially classical music, play the piano and the guitar and also involve myself in playing football games, reading and doing a lot of graphics design. I have a great delight in typing which I learnt using a typing software. I speak English and Yoruba languages fluently. I am diligent with my studies and I do not hesitate to explore and acquire new knowledge both within and outside my field of study. This earned me a scholarship award by the Cheveron oil Nigeria limited for my undergraduate study as well as the award of the most innovative student of the department of Agricultural Engineering by the Nigerian Institute of Agricultural Engineer (NIAE) student chapter and also held various leadership positions as General Secretary of the Alagbaka Youth Association and president of DaSabbath Acappella group.
Owing to my past diligent academic records, I believe I am prepared to come to the task o tackling the challenges of graduate study in Sustainable Energy engineering and come out fully enabled and qualified to contribute to the development of Sustainable energy not only in Nigeria but to the world at large.
You have presented a highly interesting essay for us to consider. However, without any instructions from you such as the essay prompt or what you expect us to review, revise, or proof read for you, we will be unable to help you with this scholarship statement.
I can tell you that this paper is very strong and informative. But it has problems with paragraph placements. You have 3 separate discussions compressed into one paragraph in your first paragraph. You should present each topic as a separate paragraph so as not to confuse your readers. We need to know when another topic will be introduced. Also, by dividing the subjects by paragraph, you have more room to develop your discussion and present your facts.
Your relevant experience portion is under developed because you only mention the activities you participated in but did not mention how it helped you develop your interest in this field further. I would suggest that you do that in order to show the course of your training in relation to the scholarship program you are applying for.
Perhaps you could also discuss how you came across the scholarship program. What objectives you share with them, your plans for the future, how the scholarship program fits into those plans and what you can do for the further advancement of the scholarship foundation in the future. I saw that you did not touch on those prompts which are normal parts of scholarship application essays.
Of course my suggestions may change once you provide the prompt and other guidelines for your paper :-) So I am looking forward to reading those soon.
Thank you very much Sir, you have really helped me with the suggestions you made however I will like you to help me revise and proof read for necessary corrections. one of my constraints is the word limit and i will like to know how to overcome this barrier. I will also know how to channel the advantages of my other activities with respect to the scholarship. Once again, I really appreciate your contribution and comment, this forum is really interesting.
Kindly provide us with a copy of all of thew requirements for the essay. That inckudes the essay prompt, word count and any other important instructions that oneed to be noted as we proofread your paper. Unless you provide us with the guidelines for reviewing your paper,it will be impossible for us to do so. Get the information to us aso soon as possible so that we can assist you as soon as possible. had you provided the information previously, you would have gotten responses to your paper by now. I look forward to reviewving further instructions from you within the shortest timew frame possible. Thanks .
By the way, wqe will also needinformation abiut th scholarship so that wqe can figure out how tobest present your activities in light of the scholarship requirements. So don't forget ito provide that information asa well.
