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Describe and evaluate one experience that significantly influenced your academic interests.


Samm22 3 / 3 1  
Nov 24, 2015   #1
Describe and evaluate one experience that significantly influenced your academic interests. The experience might be a class, a job, a relationship, an extracurricular activity, or a profound event. Be sure to explain how this experience led to your setting the goals you have now for yourself, and why you think your chosen academic program(s) will help you to reach those goals. (500 word limit)

During my sophomore year of high school, I participated in a student global issue conference named Zooming out for a global view at Texas A&M. The conference delivered information about current global issues and possible solutions for them. Not only did I present my project, but participants were also allowed to view the universities student's presentations about their own global issues and solutions. In each conference they spoke about diverse issues currently affecting not only the human population, but our environments as a whole. As I sat attentively hearing the presentations, I was shocked about the very urgent crises that no one really bothers to speak out and fight for, due to society never focusing on these critical issues and much rather turn their attention in social media towards celebrities and fashion. In one presentation, one of the college students spoke about water conservation being a very critical global effect for all humankind due to the incredibly small percentage of freshwater we have on earth and our lack of conservation for it. When the conference finished, I was so amazed by how many issues affect not only the human population, but earth as a whole and the lack of importance and unawareness it has on others. Also hearing that students even went to third world countries to make a change in their desired pathway motivated me so much to make a change for not only the world, but myself. Helping others and making a change in the world has always been one of my greatest aspirations in life. I believe that from those aspirations, I have the ability to reach other goals I have set out for myself in such by being successful, graduating from college, and overall being happy with not only my career, but my life. I believe my chosen academic programs will allow me to reach my goals by helping me mold myself into the person I want to become. Gaining more knowledge in my desired pathways can allow me to be successful, learn how to help others, make a change and allow me to help the world. Even if it's a small change that I can make, a change has to start from somewhere. I believe the liberal arts program at the University of Texas at Austin will allow me to go beyond my goals and strive for whatever I desire.

hasdymath 11 / 25  
Nov 25, 2015   #2
hi, let me help you out rearrage some your last sentences

Even if it's it is a small change that I can make, a change has to start from somewhere.

try to avoid repeating same pattern ( I believe that from those aspirations... and I believe my chosen academic ...)
beware use contraction.

from those, I strongly believe my ability to reach other goals, so I have set out for myself in such by being successful, graduating from college, and overall being happy with not only my career. chosing programs will allow me to reach my goals by helping me mold myself into the person I want to become...
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 26, 2015   #3
Hi Samantha..
This writing is good. I closely read your writing. I guess that you should rearrange your writing because readers are sometimes confused. You made complex sentences, but you forgot to write conjunctions like "Which, that, etc." I will give you few suggestion. I hope that these suggestions can improve your ability to write.


... global issue conference named Zooming out forabout a global view at Texas A&M.

... but participants were also allowed to viewobserve the universities student's presentations ...

In each conference, they spoke about ...

As I sat attentively hearing the presentationssat and hear the presentations attentively , I was shocked about the very urgent crises ...

... small percentage of freshwater which we have on earth ...

... I was so amazed by how many issues affect not only the human population, but the earth as a whole ...

Also hearing I also heard that students even went ... to make a change for not only the world, but myself.

... making a change in the world has always been one of my the greatest aspirations in life.

... ability to reach other goals which I have set out for myself ...
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 26, 2015   #4
Sam, I'd like to share my remarks on your essay.

- namedcalled Zooming out for a
- In one of the presentation,
- Also, ( don't forget you punctuation marks, otherwise, your sentence will be very long) hearing that
- I believe that from thosethese aspirations,
- I will have the ability to
- my chosenthe academic programs that I chose will allow
- me to reach my goals and hone meby helping me mold myself into the person I want to become.
- Gaining more knowledge in my desired pathways can allow
- Austin will allow me to go beyond my goals and strive for whatever I desire.

There you have it Sam, the corrections are minor but helpful, specially in enhancing your essay.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 26, 2015   #5
Samantha, the essay would have been helped if you were able to present the paper that you presented to the group. If you feel that your paper did not influence you when it came to choosing your academic interests, then you should just take the reference to that paper out of the opening statement. Be sure to just present information that is relevant to the prompt requirements.

When you speak of your academic interests, try to mention some specific subjects that you believe will influence you the most. The reason you have to do that is because the essay is asking you to explain why you think your goals will be helped by these particular academic interests. You have presented a general discussion in those terms which, although keeping your word count down, does not really reflect the influence that your experience, goals, and academic interests relate to one another.

If you are wondering how you can do that, I have a suggestion that should help. Revise your opening statement. Right now, it talks too much about your observations of the events at the conference. Just keep your discussion in that part simple, concentrating ont he part that had the most impact on you instead. Shortening that portion should leave you with enough word allotment to further develop the ideas I have presented. I believe that this will be one of the best ways to further improve your essay.


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