Describe an instance where you had to be a leader in your community. Any lesson about yourself?

I am bad at writing but trying to improve it, this is my essays for exchange program. Help me.

TOPIC :
Describe an instance where you had to be a leader in your community. What did you learn about yourself, your leadership style, and your capacity to create change?

I wasn't born a leader

Frankly, I wasn't born leader, nor could I make impact on others. I still may not have great leadership qualities but I am certain that I am improved in a significant way. I believe, I used to be more introvert than extravert throughout all my past years. That was my primary reason why I convinced myself that I don't have in common with leaders.

I love volunteering as much as I love my mother, it sometimes can be tough but in the end, you always gain something valuable. I had opportunities to be a part of huge conferences and events, to be more precise, as a team leader. What I understood most is tendency, thus the effort you put in it. Realizing why, where, what you are doing helps you to guide others in right direction whereas it challenges you mentally at same time. You have responsibilities to take for your decisions, your team depends on you so I followed my inner voice and did everything together with members regardless of positions. We found our values, precious friendships and most importantly we understood what it takes to reach to the success.

I loved English speaking clubs, especially toastmasters club. Apparently, that's the reason behind I always wanted to build a club. Unfortunately, a vast amount of investment was necessary so had to give up on that idea. Surprisingly, I received an offer from Mongolian Red Cross Society to build a club and work as a President of Club at my university. Through all the process from meeting faculty members to recruiting new members, our club officially came into existence in 2 months. Overcoming your anxiety, nervousness to present your club to other presidents, a huge amount of research in limited time was tough but worthy. Moreover, the most challenging, yet the most important part was my way to lead members and consequences it may occur. It was essential to understand their interests, goals and reasons to be in that position. I was wrong that I thought it's all about work but it's about atmosphere and environment as well as the people. Leadership consists of Intangible things such as linguistic skill, communication and knowledge, therefore you should be capable of doing it. Personally, I believe I am kind of person who blends in with the community and supports and tries to understand others not a person who just gives orders. I am proud that we founded and stabilized one family, therefore helping our community.

I have started to understand my values, and where I want to be in future. My participation in these different experiences has brought me to this point in my life where I would like to do, learn, and grow more as a leader. My goal is to be a successful qualified CEO in 10 years.

Your essay is jumbled and does not convey your true intention to the readers. It asks about a time you had to be a leader and the changes and challenges you face, but you do not show any of those things with clarity. The main theme the essay asks is there in your essay. You just have to find better wordings and narrative. Hope this helps.

Thank you, I will try to demonstrate it.

Anar, remove the defeatist attitude in this essay because you are being asked why you are a leader not why you are not a leader. For the revised essay, I believe that the offer from the Red Cross will be the most perfect narration for the response. You can highlight your development as a leader because of the anxiety that you had and the difficulties that you faced, which you all overcame to create the group that you were asked to. I know that it is only 1 paragraph in your current essay but, when framed in the correct manner, the essay can mention that you were not a born leader (without further elaboration) while focusing on your development as a leader and what you learned about yourself, leadership style, and capacity to create change. All you need it the right project to discuss to remove the negative vibe of the essay. For the leadership and other requirements, you may need to do some research to better discuss those topics in relation to yourself as a leader.

Thank you for your lovely advise though I couldn't edit the essay since the deadline was already passed. But I guess I now have a point that what I could have written. I believe your new year has been amazing. Thank you.

If possible, I'd like you to read my essay for another undergraduate scholarship and want to send it via email or something. Thank you