The goal of SI Study Scholarships is to enable the scholarship holders to play an active role in the positive development of the societies in which they live. Ideal candidates are ambitious young professionals who are able to demonstrate leadership experience and have a clear idea of how a study programme in Sweden would benefit their country.I have difficulties to fit in my statement in 250 characters including spaces. I really appreciate it if you can suggest me the better structure that close to what the instruction is expecting. Thanks a lot in advances. Below is my first draft.
(Characters with spaces : 279)
My background as a leader just in few words
I have active leadership experience as an educators, social activist, member and head of student clubs, consultant and internal auditor. Upon graduation, I will be able to devote in advancing the academic quality of management and economics education and researches in Indonesia.
Messal, you have to think of writing this statement in terms of sending out a tweet. While I do not advice that you use tweet language in the response, the only way that you properly develop this response is by developing your response in a similar, but properly worded manner. For example, cite the most important leadership experience that you have. The full content of that sentence should be as follows:
Name of organization + leadership position = leadership experience
Problem of your country + relation to your study program = Benefit of studying in Sweden
Change all of the content of your current statement. Use the outline I provided above to help you develop a more relevant response to the essay. It should not be too hard to do since I am already telling you the way to format the response. Your revised statement should fall within the 250 character requirement if you write it up in the suggested manner.
Thank you Marry. I have change my essay according to the structure you gave. But it exceeds more than before.
I paste it below. What do you think of my second draft? What parts of this essay that I can replace with better words to make it shorter?
You opinion is highly appreciated, thank you.
(Character with spaces 491)
I am responsible as QMS Implementation Supervisor and Internal Auditor at Prima Solusindo Consultancy. Many potential SMEs are unsustainable because weak management strategies and lack of ability to invent unique business mechanisms. My solution to this problem is combining technology, data analysis and in-depth knowledge of sustainable development and leadership to design more effective and efficient business processes which will provide organizational development and increase profits.
I already read your second draft. Unfortunately, i didn't find your leadership experience in here. You should explain how do you manage your people or what do you do with your teammate as QMS Implementation Supervisor and Internal Auditor at Prima Solusindo Consultancy
My solution to this problem is combining (...) development and increase profits. This part is only explain your ability to solve problem with your job not with your people or your teammate.
Hope you can do better.
Messal, I edited your response down to 236 characters in order to just highlight your leadership skills. I know, it doesn't sound anything like what you wrote but trust me, this is the best possible presentation for your response due to the highly limited character count. Have a look at it here:
As the QMS Implementation Supervisor at Prima Solusindo Consultancy, I use technology and data analysis along with sustainable development to create effective and efficient business processes that provide organizational development.
I suggest that you use the above statement for your response. However, if you feel that you can come up with something better based upon the above example, then go ahead and try your hand at it. I will assist you whenever I can.
Thank you for your feed back. I will look at yours and hopefully can give you some insights too.
Thank you very much! I really appreciated your help trimming my essay.
I think I will use your revised one.