Describe your most meaningful achievements and how they relate to your field of study and/or future

Hey, does it need to be longer? It's supposed to be LESS than 500 words but I feel like it should be longer.
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nurse assistant certificate

One of my most meaningful achievements was recently obtaining a certificate as a nurse assistant. This related to my field of study, which is pre-medicine, because now, I can gain better patient care experience and work in the healthcare field. Also, I can gain clinical experience from any healthcare setting. These healthcare settings include nursing homes, clinics, hospitals, hospice facilities, and even specialty facilities.

This achievement also contributes to my future goals because I want to become a pediatrician. Gaining patient care experience is very beneficial to my future goals because I can put them on my resume as well as my application for medical school. Showing that I have a certification in healthcare as well as patient care experience will make my application more competitive and make me a better candidate for admission into medical school.

@Ejumakayshun
Is it a speaking or writing exercise? If it is a writing exercise, i suggest dividing your ideas into paragraphs, which makes it easier for the readers to follow. In each paragraph, you should state the reason why the achievement is meaningful to you. Moreover, I notice that you used " because" repeatedly. It would be better if you could replace it with other liking words such as "since", "as" or phrases like "due to", "owing to".

In case it is a speaking exercise, I suggest using more discourse markers.

Hi there..

Your answer is too simple to impress the reviewer to be noticed your application. You've already mentioned your meaningful achievement, however you don't describe it yet. In my opinion you can detail it by describing how important your nurse certificate to gain much more experiences instead of just graduated from your field of study. I believe this is not hard work for you who have been certified. You also have to elaborate how the certification and previous study help you to be a pediatrician more than you've mentioned. You have to stand out yourself more than others who have more achievements than yours. You can explain what you have done after you've been certified, to be mentioned volunteer in healthcare activities and this support your future career as building strong networking that help you in the future.

Robin, the essay doesn't need to be longer, it just needs to be presented in a better manner. The content of this essay is enough to highlight the reasons why you consider becoming a nursing assistant an achievement and how it connects to your future profession. If you start off the essay by first indicating an interest in pre-med and becoming a pediatrician, you will be off to a better start. Say something like:

I've always wanted to be a pediatrician but my life needs have often taken me far from that path. I believe that I have found my way back towards completing that dream though. As I enter the world of a pre-med student, armed with my greatest achievement to date, my nursing assistant certificate, I feel that I am finally on the right path towards achieving my dream...

All you need to do at this point is become more creative in the presentation of your statement. I have given you an example to follow or use. You can develop your response based upon what I wrote above. It should be easier for you to fix the statement now that you have a starting point to base your revised statement on.