Describe which single activity/interest listed above represents your most meaningful commitment and why. (400 characters)
local Korean church
Though all of my activities hold both purpose and meaning to me, my most meaningful commitment was to my local Korean church. I've always had some hidden difficulties with my ethnic background, due to the densely caucasian area I live in. However, once I joined the group of serving youth as a media team leader, I met my second family. This home was a place I could connect to my cultural heritage and to people who face similar challenges that stem from our ethnic roots. With the hours of volunteering, I was able to serve my community which supported me through the difficulties of feeling lost in my identity.
This is over 400 characters, but I am not sure how to change it!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178
The first sentence is unnecessary. Introductions are not necessary when writing a character count sensitive response. Just mention the church directly in the establishing sentence. Taking that out automatically takes it down to 488 characters. 88 words closer to the maximum.
The last 2 sentences are what prove to be the problem now. Would it be possible for you to use less words but still keep the meaning of your statement ? It feels too verbose at the moment.
Try to combine your response into one sentence. That way the presentation is more direct to the point. If it becomes necessary, do not be afraid to rewrite the total response to meet the character count. Sometimes, starting over is the only solution to the editing problem.