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"My desire for flight" scholarship essay help wanted


melb 2 / 10  
Dec 14, 2009   #1
Greetings!! This essay is for a flight scholarship.Please inform me of any grammer/spelling errors or style changes that would make it more compelling.The required lenth is 300 words or less. Thank you.

Where did your desire to fly originate? Were there any people or experiences that lead you in this direction?

Every pilot reflects with sweet fondness on his or her first flight. As an aspiring pilot, I too treasure my first time in the sky. Looking back, I see this experience birthed my passion for aviation.

Stepping out of the van, my eyes filled with airplanes and my heart with excitement. What could be better? This day, in August of 2006, would prove to be a momentous one. It was here, at the Brian, Ohio, fly-in I would make the best decision of my life-to be a pilot.

You must know, though, prior to this day I was oblivious to the aura that accompanies aviation; I was a stranger to all aspects of this vocation. I considered becoming a pilot because I hold a deep respect for my father's advice (he suggested the proposition) and my church needs a pilot for their missions department. However, after this day my consideration changed into determination.

Strolling through the display of birds soon to be auctioned, my dad opened the door to an old Cessna and for the first time I saw the inside of an airplane. I was hooked. Yet, life gets sweeter. During the discovery flight, I told the pilot someday I would fill his shoes. To my surprise, he gave me the controls. I was overwhelmed with excitement. Yet, though deliriously happy, I felt at that moment the responsibility pilots carry (I had two passengers in the back seat). Everyday people trust pilots with their lives; we must know what we're doing.

I love the memory of that crisp August day. The day my eyes first saw a cockpit, the day my feet first left the earth, the day my hands first controlled an airplane, the day I decided no matter what obstacles presented themselves I would be a pilot.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Dec 16, 2009   #2
Your essay is looking good, it's interestng all the way through. Here are a few fixes;

As an aspiring pilot, I too treasure the memory of my first time in the sky.

Looking back, I see that this experience birthed my passion for aviation.

During the discovery flight, I told the pilot that someday...

Yet,Thou gh deliriously happy,...

... the day I decided no matter what obstacles presented themselves, I would one day become a pilot.
OP melb 2 / 10  
Dec 16, 2009   #3
Thank you for your help. I am glad you found it interesting, but is it interesting enough to compel someone to give me $6,000? I sure hope so.


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