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I determine to apply for the Chevening 2018-19 scholarship - answer to leadership question


esraa mowafy 1 / 1  
Oct 16, 2017   #1
Hi, can you please help in reviewing my answer to leadership question. I intend to apply for the Chevening 2018-19 scholarship so I have began my home work. I look forward to your corrections,thanks in waiting.

i have a mission



Fortunately, I grew up in a good family environment that encouraged me to be confident, responsible, creative and a good decision maker. I apply what I was taught in my life.

As a clinical pharmacist, my mission is to improve patient's health status. In 2014 I was selected by the Head of Pharmacy Department to lead General Surgery clinical pharmacist's team. In order to do this mission I had to form a team of 3 clinical pharmacists; my choice was based on knowledge, experience, unique skills and ability to be a team player.

I analyzed the current state and I discovered that there could be 2 problems. First, poor communication between health team members, second, the lack of information by the nursing staff about the optimal use of the medications and nutrition preparation. I presented these problems to the team and we openly discussed them, I praised any suggested idea to encourage the members to come up with more creative ideas.I encouraged them to participate in developing a new plan, this helped me to create a team that is more confident that they can make the difference by themselves not just follow some orders.

At the end we came up with a three stage plan (3-6-12- months) which was approved by head of Pharmacy Department.Stage (1,2) plan focused on nurse education and increasing communication between the doctors and the rest of the medical team.Stage (3)plan focused on establishing a new nutrition unit.

I distributed the tasks; one member was responsible for weekly nurse education meetings, another was responsible for monthly practical nursing workshops and the third was responsible for monthly scientific meetings with doctors. I supervised their participation in the daily clinical rotation with doctors and nurses to increase and facilitate communications among the staff members. Also, I advised them to use brochures, seminars, workshops, group discussions to help them achieving their tasks.

After 12 months of work, our team was honored by the Head of General Surgery Department for our effort to establish the first nutrition unit, and the first nursing education unit which led to improving patient's health state.

Moreover, last year I was chosen by Al-Watan,a local newspaper, as a good model of inspiration for many girls to overcome social barriers that prevent girls from travelling and discovering the world by their own, that was after I shared on social media stories on my first experience travelling alone and spending 12 days wandering between six Malaysian Cities . I have encouraged girls to travel regardless of the traditions because this will make them more confident and more accepting of others. Also, I helped many girls in booking the best hostels and the best tourist places.

I advised them to follow Salah Al-Rashed(specialized in Human Development.) who had a great impact on my personal development to become more optimistic and inspiring person.

All I have learnt enriches my personality and my career, and I have the belief that I will have the positive influence on the Chevening students.
LUBR2310 2 / 5 1  
Oct 17, 2017   #2
Hi @esraa mowafy here are some corrections that might help you:

1. Fortunately, I grew up in a good family environment... --->
- I don't think to put fortunately or unfortunately in the beginning of your paragraphs is right because these words usually put in the first of sentences to add explanation or contrast. I put my corrections in the following sentence.

- I am so lucky that I grew up in... or
- It is a fortune for me to grow up in...

2. In 2014 I was selected... --->
- It is a minor mistake that you did not pay attention to the punctuation but it still should be noted. I put my corrections in the following sentence.

- In 2014, I was selected...

3. In order to do this mission ... --->
- In order to complete this mission, I had to form a team consist of 3 clinical pharmacists...

4. ...my choice was based on knowledge, experience... --->
- You can simply continue the previous sentence without this sign (;) ...that I choose based on their knowledge, experience, unique skills and ability to be a team player.

- Or you can start a new statement I choose my team based on their knowledge, experience...
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,766 4768  
Oct 17, 2017   #3
Esraa, the essay is pretty impressive. You have a very good outline that merges your leadership and inspirational / influencing skills in a highly smooth manner. It goes down easy and does not pander to the reviewer. You simply state it in a creatively connected form that works. The effectiveness of that writing style gets lost towards the end though when you speak of how the local newspaper chose you to be a role model. Since it is based on social media alone, there is a lack of direct contact with these girls that creates a stronger influencing presence when done face to face, in a physical manner. Try to remove the social media reference and instead, replace it with a real time and physical based situation instead. It is also not helpful to your essay to direct the girls to admire someone other than you. That defeats the purpose of you becoming an influential and inspiring figure in these young women's lives. Rather, show the reviewer how you manage to inspire them towards simple greatness through your presence in their lives.


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