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Different experiences - Why am I a great candidate for Global Ugrad ?


Meriem slimani 1 / 3  
Dec 2, 2022   #1
PROMPT : Essay 1:
The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders committed to serving their home communities.

Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD?



(600 words)

MY ESSAY :

"3,2,1,0, beep!" As my timer went off, signalling the start of the race, I composed myself, took deep breaths, and focused on winning. Despite the occasional pre-race anxiety, I have gotten better at controlling my nerves, and now, after nearly a decade of sailing, I improved many other leadership qualities besides my stress management.

Over these nine years, I became more patient, resilient, and diligent from training in and adapting to the harsh unpredictable weather. I also enhanced my communication and teamwork skills by working with diverse personalities and leading my team in competitions by making our strategies detailed and clear, considering my teammates' suggestions and involving everyone to achieve our common goal.

Furthermore, seeing all types of waste on the beach and in the sea increased my environmental awareness and prompted me to organize cleaning campaigns, instill eco-friendly habits in my home and sailing club, as well as join an environmental association and participate in various cleanups. Discovering my passion for volunteering, I took advantage of my leadership skills and engaged in an event for orphans and disabled people where I planned activities, from drawing workshops to cruises and managed the preparation and distribution of food. As a result, I strengthened my decision-making, management, and interpersonal skills. I also boosted my collaboration and public speaking skills, met inspiring people and shared knowledge and experience, by participating in a food bank campaign and organising a COVID-19 sensitization event with a local association, where I had to actively highlight the importance of respecting protection measures as well as keep track of and help with the distribution of masks and sanitisers.

My strong desire to serve my community and help others, combined with my big interest in human biology, motivated me to choose medicine. Although this journey has been quite challenging notably my first year since I was pre-selected for the Mediterranean games, I am determined to do my best and excel in it, especially after volunteering in a hospital where I got to bond with different patients and helped in an operating room. Getting selected for UGRAD will allow me to broaden my academic and career prospects in medicine and get a peek at the health system in the United States by volunteering in hospitals, consequently sharing my acquired knowledge once back in my country and proposing some tweaks to develop our own approach.

Even though I am pursuing a medical degree, I enjoy exploring other fields. I was selected to compete in the First Global Challenge, the world's robotics Olympics, held in Geneva this summer with four other stem enthusiasts, after months of hard work. In this competition, I not only honed my problem-solving, cooperation, and critical thinking abilities by consistently seeking solutions to the challenges faced while competing, designing or assembling the robot, and exchanging knowledge with every participant but I was also able to interact, befriend, and share my culture with people from 160 different countries through Algerian music, food, traditional attire, and stories; moreover, I grew in maturity, awareness, and open-mindedness towards other different cultures and traditions and learn about them. I'm currently enrolled in a STEM teacher training program so that I can mentor and share what I learned, saw and lived.

I believe those different experiences made me a culturally understanding, ambitious leader committed to her community and exhibited my great potential to become a great ugrad student, an opportunity that will enable me to better understand the US culture and educational system, share my knowledge and culture, expand my relationships, and spread and apply my learnings once back in my country.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,560 4442  
Dec 2, 2022   #2
The claims being made in this essay are too generalized and not really verifiable. Try to revise the essay to focus only on the community relationship aspect of your qualifications. This time, mention specific activities , organizations, and other information that the reviewer could double check to make sure that you are telling the full truth in your essay. That means, highighting the organization and the most notable participation that you had, which helped build a community rather than win a competition should be the main intent of this essay. Right now, the essay is a mix and match of different ideas which do not always focus on community building through diversity. So that is what needs to be addressed in the corrected version.
OP Meriem slimani 1 / 3  
Dec 2, 2022   #3
thank you so much for your feedback, there is a section in the application that asks for the varied community services I did , I was thinking of filling out information such as the names of the organizations there , but if I did this do I still need to mention their names in my essay ?i will also make it less competition focused and more community-building-focused but do I need to only incorporate community service within it without adding my cultural exchange experiences ? and thank you !


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