Dear Fellas, Please, kindly review my writing for AAS Supporting Statement
Every suggestion and correction will be very helpfull for me
Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*?
Now, we live in digital and pandemic era, where people are possible to get information about anything, including covid-19 only by scrolling their smartphone screen, but in the other way, the spreading of information on phone ( read: internet) causes people are also exposed by fake information.This fact made me realize that i need to emphasize my knowledge about my work, how to produce news and provide them to the people so that they get the valid and factual information. My father had been worked in a radio for more than 20 years since a was a kid. When i came to his office, i saw how the journalists and broadcasters worked, it inspired me to be like them. The way they interviewed the interviewees, collected information, informed them to the listeners and how the listeners responded to them was impressed me. Thus, when i was in high school and continued my study to university, i joined the journalism club and attended the journalism training which was conducted by Media Kampus of Mataram University. I took a chance to be a broadcaster in Radio Republic of Indonesia in 2005 and presented the talk show talked about students' activities named OPUS. These experiences made me decided to live as a journalist and broadcaster.
I choose the Universities because it is possible for me to study journalism with proper facilities, competent lectures which mean i will also possible to learn it from the awarded journalist and broadcaster, and information disclosure that makes it easier for the students to expand their knowledge and skill. I believe that study in those universities will also help me to build my critical thinking about the situation around me and provide it to my listeners in a better way where they can be easily accessed.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,172 3638
The reason for your proposed course is personal, but without an academic relevance. Since you are applying for a masters course scholarship, the focus of your proposed course would be helped by a personal, academic, and professional point of view. Summarize your personal reason, that is not as important as the other 2. The academic and professional reasons go hand in hand, creating the basis for your chosen courses and institution as well.
You have to focus the discussion on every course that you have chosen at every university. This essay does not tell me anything about what courses you have chosen, how your academic and professional reasons give itself to these choices, and why you decided that the university choices were the best for you as well. This is, in effect, an essay that does not say anything that can help the reviewer assess the credibility of your application and the seriousness and future goal application of your course and university choices.
Using this type of essay presentation for the first round of assessment will not be helpful to you. Due to the non-informative nature of this writing, it can actually disqualify your application right from the start of the review process. Try to be more specific about your writing. Respond accurately to the questions. You can find various examples regarding how to approach this writing at this forum, use those as your examples for your revisions.
@Lovelyshaa, You must mention which university you are going to applying to, and what course. You must mention it clearly in your essay, and explain how that course can help you in achieving your future goal. Be more specific.
I think you should capitalize when you write ''I" on your writting
I think you should elaborate more on your professional and academic interest.
I didn't see you put the course name and the institution you choose.
According to your essay, I also didn't see you put your specific needs related to the problems that you mentioned.
You can put the way how you use the knowledge/skills that you will gain from the course and the university to solve the problems.
Show the connection between your interest, the problems, the course, and the institution.