Essay topic: How has your background influenced your personal development and perceptions regarding diversity? Please include how you would contribute to the diversity in our company and your chosen profession
Instruction: 500 to 700 words
Note: This is an internship/scholarship essay
Below is what I wrote and I request that someone should read it over and correct me as well as check if I deviated because this is a really confusing piece. Thanks
My Background and Its Influence on my Personal Development and Perception
Regarding Diversity
I was born on the 23rd of May, 1991, in Nkata Ibeku, Abia State, Nigeria. Nigeria on its own is a very diverse society made up of 36 states, three major tribes with over 250 ethnic groups who speak different dialects. The three major tribes in Nigeria are Igbo, Hausa and Yoruba. Abia State, my state of origin is one of the five states that make up the Igbo tribe. Two major aspects of my background that influenced my personal development and perception regarding diversity are the moral ethics and the environment.
Humility, responsibility, and respect are the core moral ethics of the Igbo people. The males are taught to wake up early in the morning, greet the older members of the family, and set off to their designated chores before going to school every morning. We are also taught how to treat the females and younger children. Every Igbo child is taught to respect elders and people in positions of authority. Thus, the Igbo adage that says, "A child that washes his or her hands clean, eats with kings." This upbringing contributed immensely in molding my character and life principles. I still maintain that humility, respect and sense of responsibility that characterized my childhood. My perception regarding diversity was also greatly influenced by this aspect of my background, because I grew up with people from different tribes, and we were taught to treat everyone the same way. If I helped Mr. Solomon mow his lawn, I don't have to hesitate if Mr. Ben, a foreigner needs the same help. I walk and work every day in that consciousness.
The environment is another aspect of my background that influenced my personal development and perception regarding diversity. My family lived in an apartment on a storey building on one of the busiest towns in the state. This situation brought me in contact with people of diverse backgrounds. I encountered rude and rough people as well as the calm and calculated. This environment taught me the virtues of patience and self control considering the fact that people were always stepping on my toes. With time, I began to understand a fight or quarrel doesn't settle a dispute but blocks the chances of settling that dispute. High Schools in Nigeria are mostly boarding schools, unlike in the United States where most high school students go from home. The dormitory experience brought me in contact with a wider range of diversity; Hausas, Yoruba, African-Americans and even white students. I availed myself of that opportunity to learn new things about them, thereby enhancing understanding and cooperation.
Dale Carnegie said and I quote, "the person who gets the farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore." This is my favorite quotation and also defines the kind of man I strive to be. I am a daring young man who is ever ready to take up challenges and make the best out of them. This daring and courageous spirit is the major contribution I want to make to the diversity in Dominion, as well as in my chosen profession. My ultimate career goal is to be a financial analyst or economist for an international organization like the International Monetary Fund. I chose this career path because it will give me the opportunity to study economic situations in poor countries especially in Africa, and help bring solutions to them. I also intend to contribute my flexibility to Dominion. I am good at trying new things and taking up tasks that other students are afraid to take up. The fact that I grew up in a tougher and poorer country is an advantage for me in the United States because I have acquainted myself to the extreme work and study conditions prevalent in my country.
The road to achievement is not smooth, but I am determined to turn every stumbling block into a stepping stone. When I'm gone, my service and commitment to mankind will stand the test of time. I'm willing to do and dare.
This reads like a speech someone would give at the UN, right down to the phrase "and I quote" which is completely unnecessary in writing. I don't know if it is just me, but it seems almost like you haven't connected with your environment and instead are giving us what the textbooks say about your people. It this was the effect you were going for, you've achieved it, but for a scholarship essay you may want to add a personal touch.
" still maintain that humility, respect and sense of responsibility that characterized my childhood." It would be nice if you gave an example. I mean an example that uses 'I' and 'my parents', and not just 'we'.
Don't qualify the quatation by saying it's your favourite, the second part of the sentence says that just as well.
Good luck:)
