It has always been my dream to become a great leader/influencer in my home country, Indonesia

Dear friends, I would like your help on my essay regarding "Leadership and Influence" Question. Any comments will be very useful.

It is always been my dream to become a great leader/influencer in my home country, Indonesia, in the future. And for me, being a great leader means having a strong vision, and relentlessly work to make it happen. So, my leadership experience started from when I went to High School. I participated in a school competition as a leader for Badminton Competition committee, to hold an inter-school Badminton Competition. After my high school period is over, I continued my education to Binus University in Civil Engineering major. At University, I learned to lead group of several classmates for almost all class assigments and research projects. At the same time, I also learned on how to become the leader of a larger group in Student Body Organization.

One of my valuable leadership experience is when I became the first Chairman of ICE (Institution of Civil Engineering) Student Chapter from UK in 2013. ICE is an international community with great opportunity for Civil Engineering Students/Professionals to get international networking experience. I had the vision to introduce ICE to Binus Students, and to build up a good communication between Binus and ICE. We succeeded in holding several international seminar from 2013 to 2014, which speakers were ICE members coming from USA, Australia, etc. And start from 2014, Binus University got the chance to present one of our graduating student's thesis in every ICE Technical Meeting. This program has opened big opportunity for our fresh graduates to build networking.

From my working experience as Engineering leader in Semanggi Flyover Project in 2016, I learned that being a leader does not mean we do most of the jobs, but rather having the overview of a project, and have the ability to choose the right group to do the job. To keep up with a very tight schedule, I have to increase our team's efficiency. So, I split the jobdesks, and arrange such that every engineer could focus on their part, while I kept follow up and worked as the link for their communication. Middle of 2016, we were really behind the schedule. But, near to the end of 2016, we succeeded to overrun the schedule and therefore had more time to review our design and documents before execution.

I believe this is not the end, and I will strive hard to achieve many of my dreams I have yet to fulfill. Chevening is practically a lifetime opportunity for me to be connected with future leaders and influencers around the world. Sharing experiences and perspective with culturally diverse friends will develop my knowledge and vision. Study in UK through Chevening will also become a double advantage to achieve my goal. UK with its internationally recognised level in Engineering Field, followed with Chevening community, will really exposes me to the state-of-the-art and sustainable engineering. And I believe that my connection with UK alumni will be an enormous help for me to improve Civil Engineering in Indonesia, and to contribute for Indonesia better future.

Thank you very much.

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Eng, would you mind doing some major changes to the content of your essay? The reason I ask is because I see a number of points within this version that we can either remove or re-position, and add content to which can further improve the information in your essay. For starters, you need to open the essay in such a manner that the reviewer will immediately think, "Well, this person has an impressive start. I wonder what else he has to share?" I am thinking that we can do that if we open the essay at the part where you mention the ICE activity. The high school activity sounds a bit too juvenile to be impressive when one considers the necessary image that your essay must create for you.

So, open with ICE and explain what your leadership role was or how you helped in making the seminar as a reality. What were you expected to deliver in terms of leadership and how did you manage to deliver it? I feel like there is a lot more that you are not telling the reviewer about in the current paragraph. I sense that your leadership role was more important than you are letting on. Am I right about that?

Now about your professional leadership experience. Try to expand on the situation as the project fell behind. Did you have to do something in terms pushing (influencing) the team to work more efficiently so that the project could meet the preset deadline? There was an implication in the paragraph but you did not really spell it out. In this kind of essay, you need to be very clear with the information you present.

Overall, this is an excellent draft that gives us room to improve it. You don't need too much experience to present. You just need to present notable ones. I hope that you will be able to achieve that in the next draft.