My dream is to work with and take care of people; Nursing career/ Scholarship.

Hi everyone. I need advice on making my essay better for my scholarship. It is an essay detailing reasons to pursue a nursing scholarship.

Towards the beginning of my high school career, I realized that my dream was to work with and take care of people. I began volunteering at Elyria Memorial Hospital my freshman year of high school, which sparked my interest in a nursing career from the start. I was able to get quick peeks of the tasks that the nurses had to accomplish throughout the day as I ran blood and specimens back and forth to the lab and various floors. The nurses were always up on their feet, running around taking care of the many patients that flooded the floors. As I discharged patients from their stay in the hospital, they always made a comment regarding the outstanding care that every nurse provided them during their stay. Whenever I heard those comments, I always hoped that I would be able to brighten the darkest times of some peoples' lives like the nurses of the hospital.

I became very serious about pursuing a nursing career my junior year in high school. When I was offered the opportunity to shadow a recovery room nurse and a nurse anesthetist, I jumped right on it. I was able to go from witnessing a surgery in the operating room to observing the beginning steps of their journey to recovery in the recovery room. There was never a dull moment throughout the day. The nurses constantly had new patients to treat or help, and it was a very exciting experience that I will never forget. My mind was set from that point forward. For me, I hope nursing is thought of not only as a job or career, but also as an adventure as I grow from the many new life experiences that will be thrown my way. I hold great pride in saying "I will be a nurse."

I became very serious about pursuing a nursing career my junior year in high school. When I was offered the opportunity to shadow a recovery room nurse and a nurse anesthetist, I jumped right on it.

Grammar Error!
I became very serious about pursuing a nursing career my junior year in high school. When I was offered the opportunity to shadow a recovery room nurse and a nurse anesthetist;certainly, I jumped right on it.

If you don't like certainly, try other conjunctive adverbs like thus, consequently, hence, incidentally or others that you find fitting. Without the semicolon and conjunctive adverb, that sentence is known as a comma splice.

Hope I helped!

Thank you so much!

.... Towards the end and From the beginning :)
From the beginning of my high school career, I was convinced that I need a career that deals with taking care of people.


As I discharged patients, I witnessed how grateful they were towards their nurses who provided them with outstanding care.


Their words and smiles spoke of how a nurse can light up the darkest phases in others' lives and this made my passion for nursing even stronger.