I am applying Australian awards scholarship, please help me to give any feedbackincluding grammar, ideas and so on.
The question is :
Your statement may detail your personal history, influences on your intellectual development, the educational and cultural opportunities (or lack of them) to which you have been exposed and the impact of these experiences on your proposed program.
1. Please provide a personal statement supporting your Endeavour Award application (Maximum 200 words)
I remember that when I was six years old, my father decided to move from small village in remote area, where high school and health care were not available, to bigger city. He believes that only education will lead to the bright future and improve the quality of life. My father has worked very hard to support children education, however; financial hardship of the family, only a few members went to university.
I have the same belief as my father that education will bring a bright life. I have a dream of working with international organisation, because I believe that it will improve my quality of life. Additionally, good quality of life can help me to support my children for education as my father has done for the family for several years. Therefore, I decide to apply for Endeavour Awards, because it is a good scholarship program, as it is organised in Australia, native English speaking, and high standard universities. I believe that benefits of this scholarship will minimize my language barriers. Importantly, it will increase my profile of education. Therefore, I believe that this program will fulfil my career dream.
I remember that when I was six years old, my father decided to move from small village in remote area, where high school and health care were not available, to bigger city.
When I was six, my father decided to move into a big city in hope of giving us a better life with higher education and health.He believes that only education will lead to the bright future and improve the quality of life. My father has worked very hard to support children education, however; financial hardship of the family, only a few members went to university.
I have the same belief as my father that education will bring a bright life. I have a dream of working with international organisation, because I believe that it will improve my quality of life.
He had a strong belief that education is the best means that provides his children a successful future and worked tirelessly amidst many hardships towards his goal. However, only few of us made to the tertiary level due to severe financial constraints at home. Sharing my father's vision, I haven't given my dream of working for an international organization and lead a quality life which is free from the hardships that I encountered during my childhood.