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Education reform gaps - Australia Award Scholarship

Kyaw Mong 1 / 1  
Feb 11, 2020   #1
Please give any feedback for this statement on.

Why did you choose your propose course and institution?

Since teachers and education managers had been under the influence of centralized education system in Myanmar for many years, it needs the innovative education leaders who can raise the awareness of effective leadership and evidence-based decision making among teacher leaders to address the key challenges in the education reform, such as access, quality and equity in decentralized management and democratic society.

Although I have been facing many challenges such as ineffective administration, and unbalanced education resources in rural as senior teacher (ST) in the department of Basic Education, my strong intentions to improve our national education system motivate me to carry on my career purposely. I reflect on myself that I need certain technical skills, and leadership abilities to help my country improve our quality education system. As my intentions are stronger enough to inspire and empower teachers and staff in our education system, I decided to pursue higher degree. Then, I researched Master of Education: Leadership and Management courses offered at different universities in Australia. I believe that the course will encourage me enable teachers to develop their individual leadership style and to provide a critical understanding of theories and practice. Furthermore, the course will extend my expertise and promote me specialist leadership that I can aspire to a leadership position in an educational organization.

Regarding institution, Monash University and the University of Adelaide have high reputation, and they create a very good learning environment for personal and professional development. Besides, the courses given in these universities meet my interest and needs. Moreover, I would build good relationship with other academic and professional students for bringing valuable knowledge and new ideas to Myanmar's Education System. For these reasons, I choose these universities to improve my professional expertise and to fulfill the gaps of education reform.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,888 2167  
Feb 11, 2020   #2
Revise the essay to provide a clearer reason for your course. You can do this by rearranging the paragraphs as follows: 2,1,3. By rearranging the first 2 paragraphs, you will deliver a clearer reason for your course choice and what you hope to accomplish by completing the course. The part that requires a major revision is paragraph 3. The thing is, you have chosen 2 different universities to possibly attend in Australia. As such, you cannot lump the discussion as to your university course under a single explanation.

Each university must have been chosen on the merits of its masters course offering and possible training you will receive at that institution. Each university has a different academic and training focus, even if the masters course carries the same name. By offering a different explanation for each university choice, you will be able to expand upon your academic goals and expectations explanation in the essay. If need be, you can relate each masters curriculum to a problem area in your line of work, then explain how the curriculum could potentially help you solve the problem/s upon your return.
OP Kyaw Mong 1 / 1  
Feb 11, 2020   #3
Thank you so much for your great advice. I will reanalyze my essay about choosing the universities and put the points that you suggest to me..

Thanks a lot.

Kyaw Min @Kyaw Mong

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