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Educational background and desire - Why I deserve this xxxxscholarship?


jingning2929 1 / -  
Mar 26, 2019   #1

What makes me eligible for this Scholarship?



I am Miny, 22 years old, currently studying in (UTP). I grew up in a small village at the east coast of Johor which is known as Jemaluang. This place is by the seaside where most of the people here are fishermen. Since young, I was educated by my parents that I should cope my study as well as the co-curriculum. I was actively involved high school activities whereby I was the president for Moral Club and Ping-Pong Society. In addition, I am a discipline person where I was appointed to be the school prefect for my entire high school years.

Since young, I was a student who has high interest on science related courses. I was also actively participating in science exhibition to explore myself to new ideas and technologies. Upon graduation from high school, I did a thorough research on engineering courses and I applied chemical engineering course as my tertiary education. The reasons behind why I applied this course was about my interest that I built since young. I applied the foundation in engineering course in UTP. Upon completion of foundation course, I further my study as a Bachelor of Chemical Engineering student in UTP. I still remember there was once event held in UTP that brought up my interests towards chemical engineering during my foundation. It was National Chemical Engineering Symposium (NACES) where I get to understand more about chemical engineering. During the event, there was exhibition held in UTP about plant design and I managed to gain knowledge about plant design. Hence, I promised myself to study harder in order to ensure myself is qualified as a chemical engineering student.

I was raised in a family which is not rich. My dad is a construction worker whereas my mom is a housewife. I have a brother and sister who are younger than me. As the eldest among 3 siblings, I promised myself to study hard so that I could get scholarship to lessen the burden in terms of financial to my dad. Besides, I had also applied for PTPTN financial assistance during my studies in UTP. I managed to get flying colours results during my 1-year foundation in engineering course and first semester of chemical engineering course. In addition, I am actively involving myself in Residential College Support Unit (RCSU) which is known as a student body in UTP to strengthen my soft skills. Apart from that, I was also the organizing committee for the largest student organized career fair in Malaysia.

What makes me eligible for the_____ Scholarship, other than meeting all the requirements, is my desire and educational background. I was not born as a gifted student who always struggle on tests and assignments. However,I have the passion and determination to become a chemical engineer. I know that chemical engineering is the most suitable field for me. Between the working environment as well as the job scope, this career choice aligns with my interests. With my education, I will be able to design and develop new technology and processes through chemistry to solve the problems. It allows me to express innovation and creativity. I plan to spend the first few years after graduation working in an environment where I will accomplish my goal to become a successful chemical engineer. I have a clear picture of where I will be in the next 5 years, and I know this degree is going to help me get there.

As a first year second semester student, based on my results and curriculum involvement, I humbly apply for the _____ scholarship as my financial assistance to reduce my parents' burden.You're not just helping me get through university. You're also helping a girl to achieve her dream. I appreciate your consideration, and I look forward to building a lasting relationship with your organization.I hope that I am chosen to be one of the scholars from __________group.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Mar 26, 2019   #2
I suggest self-reviewing your essay. There were a few grammatical errors that involved punctuation, demonstratives, and conjuctions. A lot of these are noticeable in the manner in which you transition your words. By doing this, you will have better structure to make your essay easier to digest. Other than that, you can create a better rhythm for your essay if you cut down sentences. Tailor-fit and omit unnecessary words. This will enhance the readability of your text.

Speaking of structure, I suggest moving the second to the last paragraph in between your current first and second. After a self-introduction about the basic details about yourself, you can then tackle directly that you are applying for the scholarship. Afterwards, you can begin talking more about your background to assert your application.

In terms of content, your essay is quite packed. I appreciate that. It is great that you spoke in-depth about your experiences. I only suggest that you attempt to be more specific when you're describing your prospective plans. Discuss what specific parts about the program you are excited about.

Best of luck to your application.


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