Can someone please Edit my essay I'm in need of this scholarship! thanks :)
Leadership experience is valuable position, most be attain through characteristics and determination ones beings forward. Intention of the leader should be sincere, serve the community righteously despite of all hardship. I had gain leadership experience through numerous areas, but leadership experience that I attained from the mosque remains with me until now. I volunteered for the past 5years in the mosque regardless of anything. At first I was in charge of small events because I was young, so they assumed I was immature and reckless. I disliked this image they portrayed me as, so I had to prove them wrong, that I was capable of organizing biggest events and be a leader. In the summer of 2009, I dedicated my summer vacation to volunteer, learn lesson from elder leaders and how to become a well experience leader among my group. In the November, The holy month of Ramadan was approaching and the mosque was in need of volunteers and leaders desperately. On Sunday, one of the leaders put me to a side and asked me to become a leader among my group. From my determination and involvement as a volunteer I was promoted to a higher position which was becoming a leader for the volunteering crew. I was overwhelmed because is the hardest month to be a leader and the mosque is occupied. When we entered Ramadan, I was called from the elder leaders and was told I was in charge of discovering mature, patient volunteers for the entire month. I thoughtfully searched and avoid picking my friends because they couldn't see me as a leader rather than their friend. I picked 30 girls and I arrange our first meet which was assigning everyone their position and where to be in charge of. Among them I created captions in order for them listen to each other and run everything smoothly without chaos. In this month many people attend the prayer in congregation than any other months. Volunteers would arrive at the mosque an hour early help serve food to elders' people in our community every Ramadan. When the sunset I make sure about four hundreds plates of foods is served to the men. Due the small of number of women and not to be wasteful I organize hundreds plates in the women's section. After fifteen minutes later, I help out clean about five hundreds people's rubbish. I have four people organizing inside the mosque and get prepared f or the night prayers to start. I structure people in straight single lines facing northeast which the direction Muslim faces when they are performing pray. When thirty days of hassle was completed, I went to the local Somali mall to purchase clothes for the volunteers in return of their wonderful service and before buying random clothes, I communicate with them, nicely asked to meet me at the mall to select what they liked. I last days of Ramadan I inform volunteers to decorates the mosque and clean outside to ready for Eid which is a Muslim holiday to celebrate the ending of the month Ramadan. I have a leadership experience due to my volunteer skills, as leader I was only charge of conveying orders but I manage to be pride less and always helps. I was responsible of organizing food the elderly and was capable of communicating freely with the volunteers because the decision-making is important and I sure we made decision that pleased everyone at the mosque. Time management is important, I understood those volunteers I had live besides helping out in the mosque, I would have them come early and not waste a second. The reason I decided to become a leader is because I want to elevate the heavy burden of the previous leaders and contribute my effort to my community that always helped me achieve my impossible goals. Form forward good example for younger ones. Also to attain good deeds and to create a better my characteristics within myself. I want return the favors my community have done for me for the past years. These influence my goals mainly in two ways. First is through community service, in my life span I want to volunteer regardless of the service. Performing community service beings the best out of people through, this I discovered characteristics and leaderships skills that I was unaware of myself. You must help others to get their help back in time of most need. Secondly, set a good example for younger ones. When I was young, one of the elderly leaders programmed in my head that I was never young enough, shouldn't have this concept, and go for anything because determination only matters and a little push from your shell. Than set in the world and shining with your capabilities. Younger ones are told that this is hard or you can't do this, who are adult to underestimate the abilities of these young people? This reveals young students are discouraged of doing anything and I want to created comfort ozone and encouraging their goals. have people come to motivate them for example a successful people who always struggles but never fail instead they continue to climb to the top. I want to mainly focus of these goals and improve them in my life because my others goals will slowly merge after these are achieved.
I understand the idea you are trying to convey in your essay, but you have to have a stand-out introduction. Maybe an anecdote or a scene, to really entice the reader. In addition state your religion and background. You kind of just jumped into volunteering at the Mosque. You have to use more transition words and you have many grammatical errors. This essay has the potential to be great. I suggest you rewrite it but clear your mind of everything you wrote in the previous essay, that way your ideas are fresher. Overall, I get what message your trying to portray, it's a really good one, an experience in leadership that few of us have, but stand-out. You have to show WHY YOU?
Hope this helps (: goodluck.
Intention of the leader should be sincere, serve the community righteously despite of all hardship .
I volunteered for the past 5years in the mosque regardless of anything
I think you should explain what u mean by anything
I disliked this image they portrayed me as, so I had to prove them wrong, that I was capable of organizing biggest events and be a leader.
try: I disliked this image they portrayed me as, so I had to prove to them that I was capable of organizing even the biggest events and be a leader.
learn lessons from elderolder leaders and how to become a well experienced leader among my group.
One Sunday, one of the leaders put me to a side and asked me to become a leaderamong mythat group.
