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The Engineer I want to be. Committing to the global community Scholarship Essay


eds420 1 / -  
Feb 14, 2021   #1
hey guys, this is the first time I post an essay here. I hope you can give me some feedback on my essay!

A Personal Statement - expressing their community leadership and commitment to bettering the global community, and explaining how receiving this scholarship will help in the pursuit of their studies and the fulfillment of their personal and academic aspirations.

The Engineer I want to be



One day while my dad and I picked up litter from our neighborhood, he said something to me I will never forget: "If you aim to be a construction worker, be the best construction worker you can be." At that moment, I did not understand what he meant so I wondered to myself- "Why a 'construction worker' if he knows I want to be an electrical engineer?"

We live in a neighborhood where we do not have solid municipal waste management. It is up to our neighbors to keep the streets clean and unfortunately, the only ones willing to do so are my family. To be honest, I despised it. For some time, I felt it was unfair we had to do the work for others; a no-no for me. One day as we were collecting trash and when I thought I finished the recollection, I perceived my dad was staring at me. When I finally noticed, he asked me with some irony- "Are you satisfied with your job?" Still confused, I turned around and realized that I had left trash all over the floor. That is when I finally understood what he meant before: if I got to do anything, whatever it may be, whether I like it or not, I must put my best effort - simple tasks such as cleaning my bedroom every morning, to striving to make the most compelling and complete science project in my grade. This message carried to other areas of my life in ways I did not expect.

I can relate to my father´s lesson with last year´s unfortunate events in my country. Within a week, two hurricanes, Eta and Iota, struck Honduras devastating the country: entire cities were flooded, (even neighborhoods close to mine), many died and thousands became homeless. My family was also affected. My uncles, aunts, and cousins lost everything they owned. These storms, added to the ongoing pandemic, arouse feelings of hopelessness among my family and certainly among many Hondurans. In such dark hours, something unexpected happened; many families who were touched by these natural disasters started helping others. Communities around the country came together in these difficult times.

I suddenly realized I had been a spectator of these events through the news, so I decided I had to do my part. I searched for shelters where I could give a hand and settled as a volunteer at a Rotary Club shelter. This was unconventional to me since I had never volunteered in a shelter before. On my arrival, someone shacked my hand eagerly, and later I was taken to a room full of clothes for victims and people ordering and classifying the piles. Although I did not know what I was supposed to do, we had no time to lose, so I began working right away. My job, as far as I can tell, consisted of classifying and packing clothes, goods, and food into boxes and taking them to the victims. At the end of the day, I felt grateful I could give a bit of hope to others.

The repercussions of these events are still present in my city as I am writing these lines. Last year´s storms showed the country´s deficiency to prepare for natural disasters and revealed the weak infrastructure that affects our way of living. In Honduras, poor wastewater treatment, lack of potable water, and unreliable electric services are sadly common in our daily lives. Despite the country´s high potential to produce renewable energies, most of our energy is bought and produced from fossil fuels producing CO2 emissions into the atmosphere. I strongly believe we need to change this and with proper preparation, I can actively be part of the change.

I began to see mathematics from a new perspective the day I realized with excitement the relation between two seemingly different equations and how these were connected to my daily life. Since then, I was fascinated by mathematics, and I was convinced that my career must deal with that kind of knowledge. I believe electrical engineering is definitely the right career for me since I am also interested in the math behind electricity. Engineering merges my fascination with numbers and I believe, it would allow me to contribute to my country's development. My country needs improvements in water management, better irrigation systems, modernization of the outdated electric systems, and an impulse to the production of renewable energies. There is clearly an opportunity for improvement in Honduras.

I believe that an engineering degree at XXXXXXX will give me the right tools and knowledge to enhance the lagging infrastructure and systems of my country. This scholarship at XXXX would give me a head start to become the electric engineer I want to be; an engineer capable of understanding and tackling challenges with the creative thinking that my country needs to solve such problems. If I obtain the scholarship, I will deeply commit to giving my best effort to learn and get all the knowledge needed to make a real change in my hometown.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3351  
Feb 15, 2021   #2
Here is the thing, your essay shows you not as a community leader, but as a community follower in both instances. The first, was when your father led you to learn how to clean up your community. The second, did not even have a leader present so you just guessed what you had to do by yourself, for yourself, based on what was present at the center. Neither elements showed you are a leader. So you have not properly fulfilled the requirements for the first part of this presentation. There is no real leadership in terms of local community service on your part so it is impossible for you to use this a reference to you possibly becoming a global leader. While the last 2 paragraphs as applicable enough to the later requirements of the writing task, it is the all too important first part, that may disqualify your application.


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