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Engineering Academic Scholarship - international student's essay


Egor812 1 / 2  
Oct 10, 2010   #1
"Tell us why are you interested in studying engineering. What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree? "

Please, could you check this essay and give me some feedback. Please note, I am in international student.

My love with chemical engineering began when I got my first "A" in my chemistry class in 8th grade. I am interested in studying engineering, chemical one in my case, because of a couple of reasons.

Firstly, engineering ranks among the highest paid professional fields and chemical engineer is one of the top degrees in demand nowadays. My parents gave me everything to have an opportunity to study abroad. By getting the degree, I hope, I would be able to pay off their hard work.

Secondly, it is my chemistry teacher - Mr. Zhukov, plus, my experience I gained during my exchange year in the U.S. Mr. Zhukov not just likes his subject, he adores it. Whenever I had a trouble, he always helped me to solve it and by doing this he indirectly made me love this subject too. Moreover, while I was in USA, I had one lab work at **** University. Opportunities, which University provides in this field of study just made me fascinated with chemical engineering. In Russia, all the colleges do not offer the same, so I asked myself a question, why should I waste my talent here?

Thirdly, technical and problem-solving skills will be useful for me. They would "open" my brain and my talent. I am planning to open my own business, to become an entreprenuer. It is not a secret, that majority of all successful entreprenuers had their first higher education in technical field of studies.

All in all, chemical engineering is a major of my dreams. And for getting accepted in this major and getting the degree, I am ready to work hard and do my best.

Egor
smarty350 8 / 17  
Oct 10, 2010   #2
I think your essay would be stronger if you focused and really explained in-depth just one thing. The school already knows about the career opportunities, so I really think you should just write about your teacher or your time in the US. Hope this helped.
OP Egor812 1 / 2  
Oct 11, 2010   #3
Thank you!
vladic007 9 / 22  
Oct 11, 2010   #4
First what I noticed that your essay is basicly about getting money after university. Try to modify that. Make it sound not so self-centered.

Another idea is that try to write about a specific reason why you choose engineering, the chemical one in your case. One that will cover the blank points.

By the way, isn't this the 3rd essay for the Yale university?
OP Egor812 1 / 2  
Oct 11, 2010   #5
thanks Vlad!
no, it's not for the Yale!


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