Hey guys! i'm turning this thing in in about 30 minutes! I really need some quick feed back! Be as hard as you like and thank you!!
PROMPT:A key element of this application is an essay of approximately 500 words describing your interests and experience as they relate to science, technology, engineering, or mathematics.
2012 NSHSS Foundation $1,000 STEM Scholarship Essay
As I gaze into the Lego play box, I am immersed with inanimate objects waiting to be morphed into life. Although there was a guide to aid me in my creations, I irreverently tossed it to the side of the room. I soon became unable to suppress my imagination-filled mind that waited eagerly to enter the Lego box. As I grabbed the first block, I felt surges of excitement pulsing through my hands.
Whether it'd be building Lego structures or bottled rockets, I have always been interested in assembling models and objects. Ever since I was a kid, gazing at colossal skyscrapers or outrageously styled cubic buildings had greatly amazed me. I kept pondering how people could construct such eye-catching and complex creations. As I entered high school, my interests further expanded when I took Physics and Chemistry classes that answered my never ending questions about these buildings. Participating in the Egg-O-Naut (bottled rocket) event in Science Olympiad and learning about structural mechanics and stress gradually built up my erupting curiosity and interests in engineering.
My experiences and interests in building have also affected the way I perceive the world. I view everything as a building block that will contribute to something greater in the future. From something as simple as a wooden table to something as complex as a skyscraper, everything has a purpose in transforming the innovative world. While one might see a Lego piece as just a child's toy, I see it as a potential piece of novelty that will give rise to new ideas that might revolutionize advanced technology. To that end, while any given object or idea includes a foundation, it itself can serve as a foundation for new knowledge and ground breaking inventions that will help pave the road for the future.
This scholarship will be the catalyst that will initiate my engineering goals and the provider that will offer me the excellent educational foundation and experience necessary to succeed. Furthermore, the scholarship will give me extra opportunities to implement my innovative and unique ideas in designing ground-breaking mechanical engines that would help revolutionize the dynamic world. From neutrino powered jets to water propelled vehicles, I can open new doors to new ideas or possibilities for change. I want to take my love for building and invest it in studying and researching engineering in order to become a professional mechanical engineer for Boeing. By gaining the necessary knowledge and skills with the help of this scholarship, I can help create these unique engines or designs that will greatly contribute to the people around me.
Furthermore, the scholarship will give me extraadditional opportunities to implement my innovative and unique ideas in designing ground-breaking mechanical engines that would help revolutionize the dynamic world.
Dear Ace Wang,
This is one of the best I've gone through in this forum. Great Job & Well done!!
Furthermore, the scholarship will give me extra opportunities to implement my innovative and unique ideas in designing ground-breaking mechanical engines that would help revolutionize the dynamic world.
I want to read more about your ideas and what you've done. Every boy and girl has picked up Legos. There's competitions about them. How have you fixed a computer? bike? modified something? built anything? What did you learn about it? What characteristics can we learn about you from the project. Your summer job? Engineers love to build things or fix things.
This essay was a good first attempt. I would start over from scratch. You sound bright. Good luck.
Ever since I was a kid, gazing at colossal skyscrapers or outrageously styled cubic buildings has greatly amazed me.
Participating in the Egg-O-Naut (bottled rocket) event in the Science Olympiad and learning about structural mechanics and stress, gradually built up my erupting curiosity and interests in engineering.
From something as simple as a wooden table, to something as complex as a skyscraper, everything has a purpose in transforming the innovative world.
From neutrino powered jets to water propelled vehicles, I can open new doors to new ideas and possibilities for change.
Good luck in school and have fun! They'll be lucky to have you as a student!
:)
