Hello everyone:)
i am writing an essay for my scholarship application.
Please kindly help me to give feedback of my essay. Thank you in advance and sorry for any grammal mistake.
SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION ESSAY
Please summarise, in words that can be understood by a person outside your field, details of your proposed program, why you chose your proposed host organisation and what your proposed program is intended to achieve. Also provide details, including proposed dates and locations of any proposed fieldwork and/or internships. (300 words)
My Proposed program is a Master of engineering as a second step in my professional-personal development. Since high school, I have been passionate about engineering, chemisrty, environment, and innovation fields. I participated actively in an emphasis program for the last three years that allowed me to get a degree with an emphasis in chemistry; I also participated in a teaching-program in fields such as Science, Biology, and Chemistry to people who wanted to finish high school in less time.
My proposed host organization is XXX as it is located in XXX, a small city but as multicultural as any other business city in XXX. As educational institution the university of XXX is one of Australia's leading research and teaching institutions with dedicated, developed and interdisciplinary research centres such as Nanomaterials Centre, where I am highly interested in to be a part due to their focus on the synthesis and characterization of nanomaterial, specifically in two of their three areas, energy and environment.
I am familiarized with the field due I developed my thesis degree with XXX nanoparticles modified with XXX for XXX degradation within a research team called group of XXXX at XXX University in XXX, XXX. For Three years I participated in 4 seminars as a speaker where one of them was directed by myself. The team and our collaborations helped me to develop my character, teamwork, communication and adaptability skills.
Thank you so much for your helpNice.
I think the first line needs to be corrected. Master of Engineering? In what field. You have to specify. Is it Chemistry or Physics or Computer. You have to let us know.
You also have to state what makes you passionate about Engineering. You can't say Environment. Environment in what sense? Environmental sciences or management? Make it clear!
In an emphasis programme?.. why don't you give the particular name of the programme?. I think it will do a lot better.
I think this first paragraph should answer the question about your proposed programme. It should also inhold your passion for the programme, and what solution you want to provide in your society through this programme, besides others.
The second paragraph is OK. But I think it will be more interesting to cite the source where you saw that the institution is amongst the leading research centers.
Finally work on your grammar and punctuation.
All the best!
Hello, thank you for your help! I do appreciate it
The name of the master program is Master of engineering-Chemical Engineer.
The emphasis subject at high school is Chemistry.
I am not writing about what solution I want to provide in my society through this programme and others because that comes with the next two essays that I must write, answering the next questions:
2. How your proposed program would further your academic and professional career. 200 words.
3. How your proposed program will benefit the host country and your potential to foster ongoing collaboration and cooperation with your home and host countries.
I posted my essay in this webpage because I thought people might help me with Redaction, punctuation, and grammar because I am not from an English speaking country I just finished my English studies, so I am making many mistakes, but I don't know how to recognize them. Does it make any sense?
I will work on my passion for the program as you recommended because it must be described in the parragraph.
cheers.
