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What engineering means to me - pursuing success in Korea (mechanical engineering field)

Paulscs 2 / 2  
Sep 8, 2018   #1
KGSP Undergraduate Personal Statement

To me engineering is not simply the designing and building of things, it is more of a creative art where I can utilize my knowledge and the laws of nature to ultimately conceive improvement in humanity. I'm confident while saying that I'm hardworking, ambitious, adventurous and committed enough to take maximum advantage of the opportunity of studying mechanical engineering in the prosperous country that the Republic of Korea is.

I come from a family of engineers, being one of the youngest, my uncles would often take me to work with them to let me learn and perhaps find my passion in an earlier stage of my life. With them, I've been taught to think and reason logically, pay attention to details and be inquisitive. Through my childhood by going through many experiences with them, I got to know what it is to be disciplined and hardworking and I've always known how lucky I was to be born in a family that put so much focus on my growth. When I was 10 years old, my parents decided to put extra effort at work to enroll me into a new school where I could receive much better education at a cost they could barely afford with the help of many other family members. I was living a life of study until a year ago. My parents divorced with many legal complications leaving my parent's business near bankruptcy. I had a tough senior year and right after graduation, I had to quickly get a job in order to save money so I could one day attend a local university. Through this, I realized what it takes to be an adult. I believe that being given the opportunity to study in a country such as South Korea that has thrived despite its difficulties, will perhaps allow me to one day thrive as well.

I graduated from high school as an honor hall student. During this period of time, I pushed myself to the limits and joined many clubs and do numerous activities. I was a member of the Spirit Club where we did beach clean-ups, fundraising for social causes and many other things, one of them being, The Community for Learning's "Eco Spirit" project. I was the head of the engineering team of the project in which we designed and built a plastic shredder for quick use at schools in order to recycle 4 different types of commonly used plastic. With this project, we won 2nd place at the "Premio Greta a la InnovaciĆ³n Ambiental en la Escuela" and were rewarded with a generous amount of money for the Spirit Club. I was also the captain of the school's robotics team in which we made several 3D printed racing drones and even got the opportunity to showcase them at the "Santo Domingo Mini Maker Faire". The experience of leading two different teams and working with my teammates made me become a complete leader. I was also a member of the school's Running Club and Ultimate Frisbee team. Outside of school, I took 4 trimesters of Korean language at the KOICA's Korean course and worked as a Summer Camp Counselor for Recrea in the summer of 2015, 2016 and 2017. Overall, I learned how to manage my time, acquired sincere enthusiasm and became substantially more confident in reaching my goals.

If anyone has inspired me in any way, the first one ever to come to my mind would be my physics and chemistry teacher, Dennis Negron. A good teacher is one that can be someone's foundation pillar and Mr. Negron has been the foundation pillar of many students, including me. While I was in the 10th grade, my teacher once told me that to make my life interesting I should challenge myself and to give it a meaning I should overcome these challenges. I adapted this into my life philosophy and it is why I am now aiming to be the mechanical engineer that one day can have a strong effect on improving the economic relationship that the highly-industrialized South Korea has with the Dominican Republic and other Spanish-speaking countries. With the experience gotten from studying in South Korea, I would be able to identify business opportunities between both countries considering that South Korea relies in a great extent on its exports to fuel its economy while the Dominican Republic is the country with the highest growth expectation of Central America and The Caribbean. Many more products and materials can still reach the Dominican Republic and many other Korean companies can establish their influence in the country as well. I believe that by learning the Korean language diligently and applying my engineering knowledge to the booming manufacturing industry that South Korea has, I can become a great aid in improving the relationship between the two countries.

Giving me this opportunity is something that the South Korean government will not regret. I submit this application with the hope of bringing new challenges into my life and to hopefully one day do what engineers do; conceive improvement in humanity.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,752 3084  
Sep 9, 2018   #2
Paul, your last paragraph is very notable in terms of delivering your motivation for studying in Korea. I would like you to move that paragraph to the top of the essay so that you will have an effective hook placed there. However, I would like you start with "When I was in the 10th grade" rather than involving your teacher in the discussion. You are not being asked for a person who inspired you in this essay, but you are asked about what motivated your interest to study in Korea. That is why the first 2 sentences in that paragraph are not necessary to the presentation.

You may want to separate the information about KOICA as the secondary motivating factor for your interest to study in Korea. It would be better if you can further develop how your interest in a Korean education took shape. Inform the reviewer if you plan to take the TOPIK test before you go to Korea or if you plan to take it after you complete the mandatory 1 year Korean language training. Connect this to the KOICA experience that you have in order to justify your interest in a Korean education.

Delete the following line as well: "I believe that being given the opportunity to study in a country such as South Korea that has thrived despite its difficulties, will perhaps allow me to one day thrive as well." It doesn't really add anything to the paragraph and lessens the impact of your statement in that paragraph. It would be best to omit that mention instead.

With regards to your academic excellence, try to be more specific. What is an academic honor hall student? What ranking did you have when you graduated? Did this honor offer you any educational benefits or additional recognition? By the way, you may want to discuss what kind of job you had to get and how it connects, if ever, to your chosen undergrad major. That way your motivation becomes even stronger and fluid in continued discussion within the rest of the essay.

This is one of the stronger KGSP personal statements that I have read during this application cycle at this forum. With the right adjustments, you will have a strong essay that can compete with the other applicant's essay presentations. I wish you the best of luck with your application.
zaraSmart 1 / 5 2  
Sep 9, 2018   #3
hello. your essay is quite smooth and almost all the topics are covered. I think it could be better talking about your special bound with korean language and culture more in motivation part of essay.

also in educational background you might want to add some information about classes and how they interested you or your grades.
I guess if the last part of essay which you talked about relation of korea and Dominican Republic was more brief, you could expand the closing part adding more influential sentences and making a better conclusion.

wish you luck with kgsp
Im applying too!

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