Hello, I am applying for the Australian Awards Scholarship (AAS).
I need your help to review this essay and give me feedback. Thank you.
Question: Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?
I chose the Entrepreneurship and Innovation program for my master's studies because it would help me to contribute to economic improvement. We are aware that the COVID-19 pandemic has a severe impact on economic conditions around the world, including Indonesia. Therefore, I want to help Micro, Small & Medium Enterprises (MSME) to get back on their feet and grow their business so they can create new jobs, increase exports, open investment opportunities, and ultimately drive the economy in a better direction.
According to the Badan Pusat Statistik (BPS/Central Statistics Agency), the number of MSMEs in Indonesia reaches 64 million, which is more than 99.9 percent of all businesses operating in Indonesia. During the pandemic, about 30 percent of MSMEs are disrupted. However, some have succeeded in creating creative innovations even though they have been impacted. Furthermore, more sustainable businesses are needed to recover from the economic recession. Therefore, I want to help MSMEs to go digital as soon as possible.
I chose the Australian National University because I would get to learn about business information systems and project management as my specializations. which we can not separate from the innovation business that tends to go digital. We also need to prepare ourselves for Society 5.0 which promotes collaborative interactions between humans and machines. So, in order to have a strong business, MSMEs must have sufficient knowledge about technology and digitization.
My second choice goes to University of New South Wales under Master of Commerce with a specialization in Entrepreneurship and Innovation because I can also study commerce in general which would be beneficial for my future career where I would like to teach MSMEs to transforms their business into something bigger so they can expand their business and also learn about finance and international trade.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3498
Not a bad response. It is straightforward, does not exaggerate, and keeps the focus on how the courses you have chosen will apply to your skills development. I believe this is one of the better written purpose essays that I have read here. The presentation itself lends an insight into how the skills you will develop relate to the plans that you have. It is clear enough to the reviewer. Just remember not to repeat the information when you write the future goals essay. From the looks of it, you still have more plans to discuss that you did not include here. Which will be a good thing going forward. I look forward to reading your other application response presentations. You can use this presentation as is.
I suggest you to not waste length of paragraph on explaining the entrepreneurship situation in Indonesia. You can minimize it into single paragraph with three sentences: provide background information on whats going on with entrerpeneur sectors in Indonesia, reliable data, and short literature review or existing problems within.
Then, you can follow by how studying in ANU and UNSW will help you to solve the intellectual gap on MSMEs problems. You need to look for which paradigm those school part of? which professor? and why certain paradigm or lecturs matters to your research.