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"Everybody is a genius" Review my personal statement for KGSP Undergraduate Scholarship (2018)

Shukla Saab 2 / 2 3  
Oct 10, 2017   #1

KGSP Undergraduate Scholarship - Spring 2018

Hello Everyone,

I have applied for the prestigious KGSP Undergraduate Scholarship for Spring semester of 2018 and they are demanding a Personal Statement from my side. The Personal Statement should include the following things -

- Motivations with which you apply for this program

- Family and Education background

- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you

- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, et

Well, I have scratched up my mind and have written something to consider it as my personal statement. So, therefore I request the readers to check and give suggestions about required corrections. Also check that whether it is appropriate or too long for selection.

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

- Albert Einstein

Inspired from these kinds of ideas of great personalities, I was raised with the idea that everything you do is 20% talent and 80% passion. It is well that a person encounters difficulties many times in his life, but someone has rightly said that in the middle of a difficulty lies opportunity. If you are persistent in your beliefs, even heavenly powers will help you in accomplishing your goals.

I have countless reasons to apply for this program. Firstly, I think that I'm really impressed with South Korea. The way South Korea has found solutions to its inherited problems is quite praiseworthy. Korea was once an aid recipient country, but today it has totally transformed itself into one of the world's biggest aid donors. The things that draw me heavily towards South Korea are: there excellent technological advancements, high national obsession on best educational standards, rich and incredible Korean culture & food and immense diversity in its economy and industries. Moreover, the prestigious KGSP scholarship will not only provide financial assistance, but is an opportunity that will allow me to have a global vision of my environment. It will be an opportunity for me to understand not only the Korean culture, but also to take a close look at cultures of various countries through other international students. It will be an exchange of knowledge and I would become a highly competitive professional who will contribute towards the strengthening of future relations between India and South Korea.

I always try to explore my hidden qualities and weaknesses, so as to have a better idea of my capabilities and areas where I can outshine others. I was born in a family which was not so strong in the economic fronts; nevertheless, I lead a happy life with my family (My family comprises of my parents, two sisters and myself). My father, who is my first role model, always treats me as his friend, not as his son. He believes that there is nothing in this world that cannot be achieved. My father had to work in a rubber factory at the age of 15 years, due to the economic problems of his family. Moreover, when the economic conditions became even worse, he had to discontinue from his education to support his family. That's why he wants me to study as much as I want and become a successful person in my life. My father always says that I may not inherit you huge resources, luxuries and comforts of life, but the few things that I am able to handover to you is our family's valuable culture and traditions, our outlook of life and can show you the path to become a good human being. Driven by these kinds of motivations, I always try to bring joy to the face of my parents by putting my best efforts to any task that my parents expect me to fulfill. Due to many reasons, my father changed his job from one place to another several times, that's why we travelled to many cities in different states of India like Kushinagar, Bathinda, Indore, Bhopal, Ahmedabad and Ludhiana and learnt many Indian languages such as Hindi, Bhojpuri, Gujarati and Punjabi.

Some of the personalities who are role models along with my father are Albert Einstein, Jack Ma and Ban Ki-moon. They always had a great influence upon me.

At the age of 17, Albert Einstein failed the University Entrance Examination of ETH, but today world remembers him as one of the best known physicist of all time.

After graduating from college, Jack Ma applied to 30 different jobs and was subsequently rejected by all of them. But today he owns one of the world's largest and most valuable e-commerce and Internet Company.

Despite being born in a middle class family of a small farming village of Eumseong, Ban Ki-moon set his ambitions high and became the first Asian person since 1971 to become the Secretary-General of the United Nations.

Taking inspiration from them, I always strive to perform my best, thinking that if they can do it, why can't I?

I was an active somehow indulgent student among others during my school days, very often involved in many curricular and co-curricular activities. I was quite good in drawing during my elementary classes. But as I grew older, my interest in drawing started fading away and I got interested in various other activities. I am fond of collecting facts about various topics like nations, history, military, outer space, technology etc. that's why I have many times participated in District level General knowledge and science quiz competitions.

I was lucky enough to clear the auditions round of popular TV quiz show, Bourn Vita Quiz Contest in my 7th standard. I have written two diaries on General knowledge by collecting amazing facts from bestselling books and other sources. I have been chosen as the leader of science and social studies projects many times for various topics like Waste Product Management, Indus Valley Civilization etc in my school. I was always among the top 5% scorers of my class.

I represented my school in G.K. quiz competition held at Gulzar Group of Institutes, Ludhiana and won that contest. I have also given the Senior NTSE General Knowledge examination conducted by Central Institute of General Knowledge Learning, New Delhi and secured 64% marks in it. I was an active writer of informative articles in our school magazine 'Mehar' and was selected as the Student Editor of science section of our school magazine in my 12th standard. I was among the top 10% participants in Gyan Manthan (2016) contest held at Lovely Professional University, Jalandhar and was awarded a onetime study grant of Rs. 50,000 (876,000 KRW) for studying in LPU. I always showed keen interest in many co-curricular activities like in my 11th standard, I was selected in my school's boxing team. I am blessed with good oratory skills and that's why I usually participate in declamations and other related competitions in my school. I was the member of our school's acting club and have performed many times in our school's annual cultural function. I was also designated as the 'All Rounder Boy of the Institution' in my 12th standard.

I have always been active in community service activities since I was in my 10th standard. Our school has been organizing a campaign every year on 2nd October since 2014 to keep our school and city clean, and I have always been an active member of this campaign, cleaning streets, railway platforms and parks etc with my friends and teachers. I was among the three students selected from whole Ludhiana district to generate awareness among common people by giving an informative speech on the occasion of World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims, at a function organized by Ludhiana Police Department.

Well, South Korea is the best living example for whole world which proves that education is the strongest weapon for a nation. If I want my country to prosper and develop like the Republic of Korea, I must put my best efforts towards the right direction and study hard for making it a reality. I pray to almighty to make me a deserving candidate of this scholarship, so that I could study in the most innovative education system of the world and would be lucky enough to serve my country in future.

Thank you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,845 4177  
Oct 11, 2017   #2
Rishu, Try to balance the inspiration that you derive from both your parents, not just your father. As you have a complete set of parents, both of them have had some sort of influence upon your life and the person you are today. It is important to note the contribution of your mother to your personal development as well. Depict the reasons why your family unit is one that inspires you to do well in life. You have to discuss your family in such a detailed manner because Koreans value the family and its contribution to society on an unbelievable level. If you can depict strong family ties, then you will impress the reviewer.

With regards to the people who have had a significant influence on you, use Ban-Ki Moon instead of several personalities. Being a notable Korean, you will be able to use his achievements to sell additional information as to what motivates you to study in Korea in an indirect but useful manner. Speaking of which, lose the quote from Einstein at the start of the essay. That doesn't really blend well into the discussion about your family. This essay needs to be focused in content. Don't waste the time of the reviewer with trivial quotes that don't help to move the essay forward by answering a direct question from the prompt.

With regards to your community service, remove the references to your being a participant and instead discuss how you were chosen to give the informative speech because of your notable participation in community service activities. It is more important to show that your activity has results other than your being a participant in it. So build up the speech presentation portion.

Going back to your motivation for applying. Try to tie in the motivation with a specific reason that will relate to your chosen major. After all, when you apply for this scholarship, you have to indicate a major to apply for admission to. What motivated you to apply to Korean for your education in this field? What makes Korea stand out as a teaching channel for that profession? Relate your desires for learning with what Korean education and training has to offer those interested in this field.

Your closing paragraph is a bit too casual in presentation. Try to revise it to carry a more formal academic tone. After all, this is a serious scholarship that asks you to consider serious matters in your application. Starting the conclusion with "Well..." doesn't really carry forth the academic focus the closing statement requires.

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