My experience while working on coal fired steam power plant have improved my problem solving skills

Hi, I would like to apply chevening and hope you could review and criticize my essay. Thank you in advance.

Chevening Leadership and Influence Question

Q:
Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

A:
I am working in coal fired steam power plant and have experienced in several roles. When I appointed to manage inventory, I faced several challenge to be solved. One of them was many material were registered in Computerized Maintenance Management System (CMMS) but didn't found physically on warehouse. Should both data to be accurate in order to make efficient material management. To overcome, first I did an informal interviews and discussions of stakeholders to gain understandings and hopes from their perspectives. From those information digging, I knew that the most cause was a material issued from warehouse for urgent maintenance work but the maintenance team didn't issue a document to draw material appropriately. Then I made group discussion among my team and decided to tighten the rule for non-urgent work (not allowing material issue) and made a weekly reminder for those who did urgent material issue but didn't made the document on a week yet. This decision made me to coordinate with warehouse supervisor, maintenance planner supervisor and maintenance manager to transform the plan to successful action. I asked warehouse supervisor to deny any material request unless it has urgent declaration. I was convincing him that data alignment will reduce his effort in stock opname. I made the maintenance manager understand that the conformity of CMMS and actual physical have a huge benefit in planning and saving in material maintenance cost so I could get his support in my program. And I order my subordinate to gain weekly data from warehouse, review and validate it from CMMS, and sent reminder email to maintenance planning supervisor to ensure him to made document that not made yet.

To recapitulate, my experience in several role while working on coal fired steam power plant have improved my communication, planning, administrative management, creativity and problem solving skills -besides my technical skills- which will be fruitful for my future career. I confident that Chevening will give me more precious experience and opportunity to meet with global network to promote my skills and translate my career goal into reality.

(342 words)

@bullz
Dear mufthi, your essay is vague. You need more specific about your leadership & influence skills. It will be good if you create a few of paragraphs. Remember that 1 paragraph is for 1 main topic.

You should write 'a group discussion' instead of 'group discussion'.

Hope it can be useful

Mufthi, none of the essays I have read from you for Chevening so far has a solid chance of being considered. They are extremely weak in presentation and discussion development. Your current essay does not have a discussion development nor outline presentation that can help you to interest the reviewer. You have to focus on 2 elements for your essay. One paragraph for the leadership explanation, so limit yourself to only the most impressive leadership skill that you can present, and one for influencing, which currently is not very well represented in your essay (if at all). You need to develop a more convincing presentation for your essay. It is too timid and does not really portray you with the leadership and influencing abilities that could compete with the more experienced and confident sounding essays from the other applicants. You could miss out on the opportunity simply because your essay was not presented in a strong enough manner. You need to exude more confidence in the leadership part and compassion in your influencing claim, once you make it.