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"Just an Expert in Language is not Enough" - Essay for Korean Scholarship


Riris 1 / 2  
Feb 22, 2016   #1
Hello, everyone! I just joined in this forum.
Firstly, let me introduce myself. My name is Riris. I recently applying Korean scholarship and one of its requirements is to write about self introduction. I'm not sure about my essay and I need some critiques, feedback about my essay to make it better.

Thank you very much...

The contents of essay must have:
Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
Your motivations for applying for this program
Reason for study in Korea


My name is Riris and I was born in Indonesia. Education is something that highly valued in my family, and so do I. Since I was in high school, I lived separately from my parents because the senior high school that I entered was far away from my home. It's so hard for me considering my ages just 15 years old at that time and I supposed to live alone by myself. But it's worth it. It was the best high school in my region. I believe in what the Winston Churchill said about being optimistic. The Pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity, but the optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty. No matter how hard it is and how difficult it is, if you dream it and you believe it then you can do it. And it's true. Since that time, I had to learn to live by myself without my parents. Even hard, I passed it well and I accepted into one of the prestigious universities in Indonesia, Universitas Indonesia.

In 2010, I started to study Korean Language and Culture at Universitas Indonesia. During my study, I did not only tend to study, but also joined several organizations and activities. I was the leader of Buchaechum team, a Korean Traditional Fan Dance team, for about 3 years and the committee of 'Universitas Indonesia to PIMNAS', a scientific organization at the University of Indonesia. I also participated in Pasific Asia Society (태평양아시아협회), which held in University Indonesia for 3 years. By joining the organizations, It was improving my skill in anticipating problems, tackling issues and balancing the responsibilities and duties that are a part of my daily schedule. I also learnt how to use my time and talent correctly.

Although I had a lot of activities and organizations, I can prove that I was good at the academic too. In 2013, I got a scholarship from Universitas Indonesia to take an exchange student in Kookmin University in South Korea. I spent a year in Seoul as an exchange Student, where I had the chance to learn even more about Koraen real culture not only in book or teacher's stories. My Korean language was improved and I got a speech contest award in my University. In order to broaden my relationship and my experience, I also joined in Kookmin University organization for foreigners and spent my summer in Summer Farm Voluntary Program in ChungChongnam-do. I learnt many things trough this program, like diversity.

Early 2014, I came back to Indonesia to complete my study in Universitas Indonesia. In my final term, I chose to write my undergraduate thesis on the Korean History. In this paper I talked about the background of Australia's involvement and its role in the Korean War. While taking my final semester, I took a part time job in Korean Air, Soekarno-Hatta International Airport as Korean Interpreter for about 1 year. At this moment, I had to be able to manage my time between work and study. And I can prove that I can do it. I graduated in December 2014 with predicate very good in my transcript. After I had graduated and my contract was over in Korean Air, I decided to take a year off from my academic life and focus on my work experience.

I had been working in a new Korean Company in Indonesia as Secretary and manager to help them to open a Cafe. I did almost everything about operational café for about one year before I decided to quit in order to continue my study. When I worked as manager, I had trough many hard times. I realized that even I can speak Korean, without knowledge of business and experiences, it will meaningless. Yes, I had taught Business Korean in my collage but in my work I have to learn by myself how to face different business culture between Indonesia and Korea. This is what people called as culture shocks. It's my reason to take my master in MBA in South Korea. I want to study further about Korean Business. With my knowledge, I don't only want to help the new Korean Company to start their company in Indonesia, but also I want to be a lecturer. In Indonesia, only three universities that have Korean major, such as Universitas Indonesia, Universitas Gajah Mada and Universitas Nasional. They have limited lecturer who mostly teaching just Korean Language. Because of this fact, I want to be Korean Business Lecturer who teach about something that someone needed before they work in Korean Corporate. In my opinion, just an expert in Korean Language is not enough. People also have to know about Korean Company Culture when they want to work in Korean Corporate.
Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Feb 22, 2016   #2
Hi, Riris,

I would like to say "great passage", however, I have a little hint / suggestion for you here. Compared with the working and social part, I think your academic part is a little bit weak in convinction. Although it is important to show your broad study background and interest, you are supposed to give some details showing profound and deep knowledge in your major area----make it professional.

I don't know whether you will absorb my little advice, anyway, good luck!
OP Riris 1 / 2  
Feb 23, 2016   #3
Thank you, crystal..
I think you're right. After I read my essay again, I realize that I didn't tell much about my study.
I think I should read my essay again and add some of my academic part there.

Thank you very much :)
Riaz148 1 / 2  
Feb 23, 2016   #4
Make sure to check your punctuatuation baby


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