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Explain the extent to which you have a long-term interest in Ireland and how will you promote links


stella898 2 / 3  
Jul 24, 2019   #1
3. Explain the extent to which you have a long-term interest in Ireland and how will you promote links with Ireland during your time as a GOI-IES Scholar and following your studies, as GOI-IES Alumni?

ireland's international education, market, strategies of HEIs



This is a scholarship prompt. I'm confused what points to be included for this essay. Can you please check and let me know if this sounds promising?

I have two essay options and below is what the essay show ideally portray. (1 at a time please)

-for scholarships that will highlight Ireland's strengths as a center of international education;
-to promote links with potential markets globally;
-to strengthen the internationalization strategies of HEIs especially in the context of the system performance framework.

Option 1

There were three conditions I kept in mind while choosing my country for higher education - an English-speaking country, great employment opportunities and a modern culture. Though Canada and Australia were on top of my list, I found Ireland to be an emerging location to study and work, with growing opportunities day by day. What caught my attention the most is Ireland's history of evolving through its world-class educational system and thereby making the country a globally competitive market. Gaining an offer from UCD for the project management course has been my dream-come-true and I can't wait to experience what it is like to study within the top 1% of educational institutes worldwide. My professional ambition is to extend my expertise in the field of project management for IT companies, from planning to delivery, in an effective and efficient manner. To fulfill this aim, it is necessary I acquire concrete techniques that make me competitive and set me apart from other students. I strongly believe that my academic plan will equip me with the tools to verify, analyze and assess information in events that affect people around the world.

In 2018, I attended the 'Education in Ireland' fair hoping to get insights of applying to universities. I met this gentleman, an Indian alumnus from NUI Galway. He was open to share his experience as a student and work-life in Ireland. He was keen to share tips and strategies to help me identify the right university, for the course that I wanted to undertake. It was interesting to see, how he inspired students with his personal journey, to encourage them to consider Ireland as their study destination.

Expanding student engagement is what I do best. Led by the above example I would like to create a distinct platform to share my story with prospective international students, to motivate and inspire them to make right decisions. There are multiple educational agencies in my country and I want to join them as a student representative/alumna to help others with their educational plans with Ireland.

I come from a joint family, where my dad's eldest sister and brother are born with disabilities. With poverty and poor educational facilities, they couldn't provide for their own kids, which brings us to the scenario where my dad had to take care of six children in the family, including my elder sister. My parents are the perfect example of being generous irrespective of their personal situation, without any hesitation. Post my graduation and when my financial situation improves, my dream is to support atleast one female student from a financially insecure background, from India to fly to Ireland for her higher education. Girls from rural areas are almost never given the opportunity to secure a degree. They are forced to get married at a very young age, where they pay dowry to be accepted and being homemakers, letting go of their dreams and aspirations. I want to support one person, let her dreams come true, to fly to an international destination to study, live and succeed in life.

Being part of the Ireland Education and the GOI-IES scholarship program is extremely important to me and without which my goals and aspiration would not come true. My gratitude to GOI-IES for this opportunity is immense and there are much more I would do, to give-back to the society that give me wings to accomplish my dreams...

Maria [Contributor] - / 971 346  
Jul 25, 2019   #2
@stella898
Hello there. I'll try to efficiently assess as much as possible details in your essay to help you in your writing process.

First and foremost, you could have made concise the first paragraph by ensuring that you are more straightforward with details. Not only is this portion too packed with unnecessary details that could have easily been omitted - but you also had quite a messy influx of thoughts with a lack of organization. This resulted to a rather hefty paragraph than something that's easily understandable. Balancing your opinions within a reasonable space in your essay has to be improved.

Furthermore, try to have shorter sentences that'll help you be more explorative and direct. Try to maximize your essay's space through this.

Best of luck as always.


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