Dear All,
I would really appreciate your help. The situation is such:
I got admission to one of top universities in London. However, I want to get a scholarship for the next intake. The scholarship requires me to write only 450-word essay including information about my financial need. Although I have worked (after my Bachelor's) for over 5 years, I have no money to pay for my studies. It is even difficult to pay for my flight tickets. I come from the 3rd world country. Though I am currently working and managing 2 projects, our salaries are suffient only for daily needs, not talking about savings. How should I explain it to the selection pannel? How should I reflect in my essay?
Any advices?
Thank you in advance.
Regards,
Erkin
Tell them why you want to follow this courese and why you think you deserve a chance to follow it. You can ellaborate on your past achievements too.
Now tell them how importantly it would help you succeed in life/career as well a help serve your community and country that desperately needs the contribution of learnered people like you.
Then come to your financial constraints. Be logical in what you tell them for them to understand that you are a genuine case that needs support.
Give some emotions to your writing.
You can tell a little story about your life , maybe a difficult moment for you, and show how strong your passion to achieve your goals is. You can start your essay describing the place you used to live and you can tell something about a person who had a big influence on you.
Hi Erique,
Why dont you do a draft and post it? I'll try to help you with it, if you need my help.
Hi dumi, thanks so much for your intention to help me.
Certainly, I'll do that asap.
Appeal to emotion is always a choice, but maybe you're feeling the same as I do- the whole "this scholarship will open doors in my education financially" seems too cliche.. it almost looks abused right?
I'd come up with a personal reason, something that only myself will know such as
"Investments are what drives the economy- as an individual, my personal investments are in my education" and THEN you can start explaining things.
Get my feel?
I hope this helped and if you have any questions ask me a question ! :)
Hi KsideHb,
Thanks much for great ideas. I'll post first draft this week. Hope you can help me.
For as long as I remember I always knew what I enjoyed doing best (in my life). ----- I dont get your idea clearly here. Are you trying to say;
Through out my life, I wanted to do things only if I have a passion to do them .
Learning languages, studying different countries and cultures has always been my passion.Diversity among people and cultures always aroused my curiosity and I developed a great passion to learn about them.For this reasonThis is the reason why I chose tT ourism (capitalize tourism here )as my future career path because I knewI wouldsucceed in what I like most.understood that it is the only industry that could drive me forward towards my success.
I have graduated about five years ago (be precise ) and, ever since, I have dedicated my time to work/toacquire knoweldge and gain working experience in this areatrade . Working in the public sector tourism gave me an enormousa great start-up arming me with rich industry experience and a broad understanding of the structure of the tourism sector of Uzbekistan and its resources and potential.
Probably the most valuable experience was the one I obtained abroad. I underwent tourism management and development trainings in Malaysia and Singapore - two of the most popular destinations in Asia. Having been outside my country for the first time ever I opened my eyes wider and my mindset changed.
The visit to the small village of Perak in Malaysia within my homestay-training framework has offered me the opportunity to observe a unique part of their civilization. It was interesting to watch indigenes living deep in the rainforest; indigenes, who -thanks to tourism- were able to preserve their centuries-old unique subculture despite the effect of globalization. Hearing that their community was thriving thanks to the financial support they received from tourists, government and tourism businesses was truly pleasing. I was amazed to see people living a lifestyle and practicing rituals which were even unique to Malaysia itself, and which were being conserved .---------------- I feel you should combine both paras to one and make it shorter. I feel its a bit too descriptive. Try to give more prominance to the fact that how you learned and witnessed the contribution of tourism towards the well being of Malaysian economy and the living standards of its people so that you can align the selector's emotions to what you are going to ask in the coming paras .
I could help you with the rest, if you feel you are comfortable with my suggestions.
Good Luck !
Hi dumi,
Heey, thanks a lot, indeed! I received some great comments from you. I'll go further improve it. I'd love to get more from you.
Thanks again.
Hi Erkin,
Sure.... I wud try to help u at my best. I think I have made a mistake above - Throughout is one word and not two words.... Sorry about it. Also please bare with me if I spell words incorrectly coz I frequently make mistakes with spellings.
I think you should trim the following section of your essay, starting with ;Probably the most valuable experience ... ...
and end with
and hence offering a win-win solution compromising its economic needs with social values of its people.
If you can re-do it and post again I can help u with polishing it further. I suggest you to limit your training experience to not more than two lines and quicky come to the impact on economy and people. There again, try to manage with not more than three sentences. Also include something to say about the impact on the economy of your home country coz that is the point u need to stress more.
I suggest you to combine the following two paras as well as they can be easily linked and together they better arrange your flow;
For me there was one question left to answer: how would I help others with my capacities and my commitment?I always wonder how I could help my own country and people with my knowledge, experience, potential and committment.In homestay programs I found the perfect prospect.(although I'm not so sure here). The principle of "helping people help themselves" and the chance of benefiting the society I am living in were depicting an ideal purpose.(I cannot grasp what you try to say. Better improve it further)
I was really contented to see that I could make a change.(again this sentence disturbs your flow. Try to have a link to what you are going to say next) In partnership with a regional agency GTZ( German Cooperation Agency) (GTZ)and under my counseling, "Uzbektourism" was able to initiate the first homestay in the village of Farish, Djizakh under my counseling . However, I found it difficult toencountered many difficulties while initiateing such projects in the government sector because of due to financial and bureaucratic obstacles. I tendam seriously looking forward to use my knowledge, experience,anda wide range of existing networkscontacts and networks that wouldconsists of both the government and private sectors as well as international organizations with the intention ofaiming to promulgateing homestays across Uzbekistan. This would most definitely offer obvious benefits to all the stakeholders.I firmly believe that this would immensly contribute to boost the tourism industry in my country and thereby help enhance the living standards of my people.
How to express development potential and financial need.
I am applying for a full undergraduate scholarship in the UK and the three criteria for the scholarship are academic excellence, financial need and development potential. Please guide me on how i can effectively express development potential and financial need especially.
Thank you.
Hai !
Please read the below links...
wikihow/Write-a-Letter-Asking-for-Scholarship-Money
youthempowerment/HowTo.aspx
Please read some samples and you will get better ideas.
Regards,
Isai
