Hello all,
I wrote an essay for a certain college scholarship program, and I've been getting some conflicting advice on changes needed. I have been told, for example, that it should not contain the names of the specific books or information about the instructor, and should focus more on the fellow students; but I also have been told (by others) that those details are better left in for specificity.
The subject was supposed to be "an experience I've had" (and/)or "a person who has influenced me." I was told by different people that I should choose one of these and devote the essay entirely to that (i.e., remove references to the teacher and focus on the instruction) and also that I need to include some about the teacher lest it sound too bookish and narrowly focused. Which end is up here? Please critique, and thanks for the help!
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After several years as a high-achieving Awana participant, I considered myself fairly knowledgeable of the Bible. Little did I know how much more I would learn about the text, doctrine and their applications during high school.
When entering eighth grade, I was invited to join the church's Bible Quiz program. It sounded like a good opportunity to continue the learning that I had done in Awana, so I jumped at the chance.
I learned to memorize text like never before, but my achievements were by no means outstanding. Bible Quiz included many exceptional students, who would learn by the chapter and quote series of verses perfectly at meets. I was fortunate enough to be with the District Champion team three seasons in a row, and I was exposed to new standards of diligence and quick recall that I would feel driven to match in the coming years.
Another, more unusual aspect of the competitions was the practice of contesting. The rules of Bible Quiz were quite complex, due to the varied types of questions required to test knowledge of the text. Far more frequently than in other types of competitions, it was necessary - and, by the format, encouraged - to contest rulings by the judges or the validity of the questions. Studying and formally arguing the application of the rules developed and regularly exercised new talents for me, and by my second year in the competitions, I was recognized as one of the better contesters. It was a set of skills that I now recognize will be very useful in my future pursuits, involving effective legal reasoning, communication and cooperation.
Through the seasons quizzing, I continued to improve and grow increasingly comfortable in the atmosphere of competition, although I could not always find the time to memorize as much as I had during my second year, when I was the third top scoring quizzer in the state. The best part of the experience was not participating in the meets, however, but in the weekly Bible study. The fellow quizzers regularly traded thoughts on the scriptures they were studying. Accuracy and fact checking were stressed during discussions of passages. Translation guides were frequently used to find the original meanings when the modern English did not provide enough clarity. This helped us get to know each other, and significantly broadened my horizons in the areas of Biblical doctrine and interpretation. I learned that there was great variety to be found in the interpretations of text both familiar and obscure. Nothing could be taken at face value if a clear understanding of the meaning was desired.
I am now in my fifth and final year of Bible Quiz. The experience throughout high school has taught me to study harder, think more deeply, and speak more concisely and precisely. I will miss the regular social interaction and intellectual stimulation found in the Bible studies and quiz meets, but they have left me with enriched knowledge and skills that will serve me well.
I think that the revision is better from a purely objective essay perspective. If I were grading it, this one would receive higher marks.
Before you turn it in, though, read it out loud to see how it sounds. You'll catch things that way that you might not otherwise.
