"My father's death wish", scholarship essay: Most challenging inicident of my life

Hi frnz....This is a Scholarship essay about the most challenging inicident of my life the outcome was quite satisfying for me and which has made me very proud. The essay should not be more than 4000 character. It needs editing and some improvements...Plz help....

Some incidents in life makes you rediscover you as a person and give you strength to overcome every obstacle that comes your way. I would like to mention one such incident in life which played a very important role in deciding my future.

This dates back to some 15 years when my father succumbed to the deadly disease of cancer. During his ailment my frequent visit to the hospital made me realise the trauma of the people affected by the disease. I also saw the struggling of the poor people who couldn't afford the expenses of the treatment. As a death wish my father wanted me to do something which could bring atleast a little change in the lives of those ailing people. Even though I was not sure at that time as to how to help these people I got the solution when I was at my own to choose my career after higher secondary. I desired to work in the field of cancer biology so that I can ultimately contribute something to the betterment of those struggling people.

I decided to take up Biotechnology as my core subject so by which I can adopt Cancer Molecular biology at my postgraduate level. But I wasn't really sure about the area and focus of my research. By extensive research I discovered that Germany is the ideal place where I could find a good guidance about my research interest. And once I decided to go to .... University for my higher studies that changed my entire life style and personality.

Since studying at one of Germany's best research institute requires hard work and rigorous planning I started preparing myself for the demands for the education abroad. As a first step towards going to Germany I enrolled to German class at ... during my last semester. I travelled by bus to reach the class as a result of which my entire evenings were devoted to it. Since I also had my research project during my final year time management became a very difficult problem. I got special permission in my lab to work from 10.00 p.m. to 12 p.m. Since I didn't have infinite time at my hand I became more efficient at my work by managing the little time I got. In fact then only I realised that I had become more focussed and planned at my work.

Before my decision to go to Germany I used to be very shy and introvert person who had little self confidence about herself. But when it occurred to me that changing myself is the first step for realising my goal I shed my inhibitions and started preparing for it. I started doing all the preparation s on my own starting from applying for the passport to writing the IELTS exam. Hailing from a conservative background where I got little guidance about educational matters, coming so far itself turned out very tough. My IELTS scores came as a boost to my confidence.

When I started to applying for various scholarships I had look inside myself as what kind of person I really am, to answer the questions about my passion and interests. As I started to think about my original self, I discovered that I am so much passionate about my career that I am ready to face any challenges that comes on my way. Hailing from a lower middle class family and dreaming to go abroad for higher studies without any financial back-up isn't the thing which most of the people will opt for, in similar circumstances. But I am that kind of person who never gives up a dream because of hurdles.

Also my scholarship interviews demanded me to travel to different places which made me bold enough to face my own matters. Even though years have passed since my father's death, his wish tends to remain as a constant support and encouragement which has given me inner strength to dream for the difficult but feasible goal. I am still trying to make his dream true in spite of my financial constraints and I hope that someday I will make his wish come true. There are numerous people with similar aspirations but unable to pursue it because of demands of life or due to some of their personality traits. But I am happy that I have not given up my father's death wish due to my weaknesses. If it hasn't been the one incident, I would have lived a life without any dream or goal. Looking back I can see how I have grown as an independent and social conscious person from an introvert and self-centred person. I attribute my changed personality and my passionate dream to my father's death wish. I am proud about how I have taken the one incident in life as my guiding light for my future.

I am so grateful for the work name-here had been doing. This time, particularly, you saved me a lot of time. Name_here, I hope you become a contributor at EF so you can put it on your resume and applications. Let people see the great work you do here...

Jensy, let's see a new draft with all these corrections, and I will try to find more ways to help you improve your writing.

Notice little changes, like in the first line name-here indicate a place where an s needed to be taken away: Some incidents in life make you...

When you make a new draft, it will help you learn from your errors...