The concrete bench felt cold on my skin as I laid on my back; staring at the sky, almost grey, concealed with heavy clouds from one horizon to the other. It was the fourth day; Vipassana day. I felt a strong urge to follow the rules; I hadn't heard my own voice for three whole days. I was gradually getting accustomed to the daily routine and the eerie silence, but still could not apprehend the technique which was supposed to transform me into a new person. I felt few drops of rain on my face, looking around, everybody waiting hesitantly for the door to open. As the bell rang, I walked the same hollow stairs into the dimmed hall where my blue cushion untouched, the way I had left an hour ago, was waiting for me. I quietly sat down, legs crossed and eyes closed.
The Vipassana instructor's voice started echoing through the hall, giving us direction and walking us through the meditation. "Don't feel anything. Don't think anything. Only feel the sensation on your body, don't crave if the feeling gives you pleasure. Don't avert if it is painful. Keep feeling, Keep concentrating from your head to your toe and back." I start to take long breaths and concentrate on his voice, but my mind started drifting away, reminiscing the past.
I am back in a town called Kent, where I used to spend my lazy summer afternoon gathering all my friends and pretending to be a standup comedian and performing skits in my show known as 'The Stupid Show', making everybody laugh. I was President of the "Girl Scout," that I had formed with the girls in our neighborhood. We would organize 'Talent Shows' for our parents. I started feeling warm in my stomach, and I smiled big. I remembered I wasn't supposed to react to my feelings.
I started concentrating on my toes again, moving down towards my ankle; I tried not to feel anything. Too late, flashback appears, I am on the ledge of a bridge 160 m above ground, the whole world stops, I question myself "Should I jump?" or "Should I step back?" I jump without thinking, realizing a second later; I jumped the way the Bungee Instructor emphasized not how to jump. I am screaming on top of my lungs, Make it stop!! Finally, after being tossed around like pizza dough, it was over. That moment of relief, comprehending I had survived, gave me more to look forward in life. Usually, by the end of the flashback, I am petrified, but today I felt strong. My ankles tingled from within my flesh. As I moved upwards, more tingles started flowing, on my calves, knees and thighs. I felt the flow of tingles deepening towards every part I was concentrating.
I am in Ninth grade proud to be representing my school for a speech competition in a national forum. My speech was about two pages long and I knew it word by word. I was anxious and panicking before my name was called. I start great, and as I am halfway through the speech, I freeze completely. I mumble few words, excuse myself and return back to the audience. I never mentioned this failure to anyone, probably because I am too embarrassed I failed. But I felt proud today. My whole body sensed the tingles flow like lightening, shooting on my face; my chin, my cheeks, my nose, eyes until it reached the top of my head where it exploded like fireworks.
Never can I describe how blissful I felt at that moment. The years of repressed emotion deepened inside me came out in forms of tingles until the point where these events that were part of me or scarred me wouldn't make any more difference. I had not reached enlightenment like Buddha, for I knew it would take me million of tries. But a new spark ignited, I was ready for a new beginning. I haven't been the same old person from that point onwards.
Suravi, I felt the need to point out some grammatical errors in the essay before I made any further comments.
but still could not apprehend the technique
- could not
comprehend the...
where my blue cushion, untouched,
Now for my comments. I am wondering what the personal essay prompt you are trying to answer is. While this essay is quite informative and entertaining, I am not sure what the purpose of the exercise that you presented is and how it relates to the prompt provided. Are you trying to write a general personal statement for all 3 universities without any prompts? If you are, let me tell you that you should not do that because each university has a specific prompt for you to answer, even if it is a personal prompt. You should wait for the prompt to be given before you try to answer anything or present any information about you. Now, if you already have the prompt for all 3 universities and the questions prove to be similar, you need to provide those questions here so that we can advice you regarding to how to make the essay unique for every university so that the generic feel of the essay will not be too obvious. I hope you can upload the prompt soon :-)
Thankyou Vangiespen. Yes, I am doing the personal essay prompt Number 1. The question is:
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Suravi, now that I know what the prompt is, I feel that I need to warn you about the confused attempts of your statement to tell numerous stories all at once. Each one being central to your identity. When you approach this essay prompt from that angle, you end up telling so many stories that no clear picture of you as a person emerges. Instead, multiple personalities emerge for the admissions officer to consider. That is not the aim of this essay. The main focus of this essay is to portray the story that best defines who you are as a person, a student, a daughter, a peer, a worker, etc. Choose one of the many personalities that you have and focus on the most important character trait that you feel you have. Then tell that story. That is the story that will best explain your central identity to the reader. You don't need to present the multiple facets of your personality to the reader. That just confuses the issue. Just show us one side to you. The side that nobody else knows about or is little understood then explain who that person is in relation to your public persona. Then you will have properly addressed the issue of your central identity in the essay.
A few more corrections:
I jump without thinking, realizing a second later; I jumped
-I jump without thinking, realizing a second later
, I jumped
I jumped the way the Bungee Instructor emphasized not how to jump.
-I jumped the way the Bungee Instructor emphasized
how not to jump.
Your essay sounds great over all, I suspect you simply typed too quickly to catch these errors. Good luck with your application!
