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'Financial problems'. GKS-U Personal Statement Psychology; Embassy Track

CH0CO0PIE 1 / -  
Jun 23, 2022   #1
Hi! I will apply for GKS-U this year. I really welcome criticism and suggestions from everyone. Please help to correct this. Thanks in advance.

GKS-U Personal Statement Psychology; Embassy Track

- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or
events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired,

Grew up in a family has financial problems. I have to find many ways to continue my education to the highest level. In my big family, my big brothers and sister are not continuing their knowledge to the next level. So, I will be the first who can continue learning upper than high school. Because of financial limitations, my parents just graduated from high school, my father until senior high school, and my mother until junior high school. And now, no one respected theirs and always judges my family. So, I also cry out to make my parents more respected in our district by their children, especially me as the first child. I have two sisters and two brothers, three of them are still in high school and my little brother can not join elementary school. So, my parents have to pay for my younger siblings' school fees. Because I do not want to be a burden to my parents and they have great expectations for me, I will work really hard to live up to my parents' expectations for me without being a burden.

I interested with South Korea when I was in Junior High School. I began with learned Hangul and moved to the grammar and vocabulary. I felt my Korean language skill were able to interact with Native Korean. At that time I had a thought I should have studied in Korea. However, I know to studying in Korea is not easy because there are many differences in educational culture in Indonesia and the people are very competitive but, I am so addicted to studying, and it is not a big problem. The biggest problem is finances, did not have enough money for living and studying in Korea, I surrendered. Last year, I got information about the scholarship to study in my dream country, South Korea, Global Korea Scholarship. Scholarship with some tuition fee support and living in Korea too, my spirit rises again, and hope to be able to study in Korea. It will be great if could have financial support and spend all my time and mind on studying and researching only.

At the time when I was in senior high school, I joined an organization, Student Council. In the last year I joined the student council, we have so many problems. I tried to reconcile those who have problems by creating a chat group. I did not expect this method was very effective in solving their problems. At the present time, they become close friends. I am so happy because I can solve their problems without creating new problems. I enjoyed in social life and mental health while in high school. Combine science and society. And I was in science class. I take pleasure in Biology. My favourite part is when we talk about a human like genetic and the environment. I am researching again what major related to my favourite chapter. Psychology is a department related to it. I also like being a listener and a solution provider when someone told a problem and I am interested in the medical too, especially mental health. Based on the news I read on social media, a lot of many South Korean people passed their lives due to depression and then suicide, that's why a psychology major is a proper study in South Korea. Other reasons are can analyse this problem directly plus help depressed people.

I attended a camp, Happy Holiday Camp. I learned a lot in this camp. First, I should sleep with strangers on first meeting. Second, my mother usually washes my clothes, but at this camp, I must wash my own clothes. Third, the time has been arranged by the committee, so I need to adjust the activities with the existing schedule. Fourth, the food menu that has been prepared must be taken without exception and must be spent, even if I do not like the side dish. Fifth, refrain from being away from parents, even though there is one day all parents are asked to attend. My habits changed after attending this camp. Before I joined this camp, my life is very unstable, and depend on my parents. However, after I joined this camp, I become disciplined, organized, independent, grateful, more courageous when meet strangers, and easily adaptable to society.

With the Korean language skill, experience, my goals, I believe I can continue my education with the Global Korea Scholarship in South Korea. One day, I am going to help Indonesian citizen who has mental health disorders such as what I do to South Korean citizen. At the present time, Indonesia has many a lot of doctors, including doctors for mental health. Whereas in South Korea, it is very difficult to find a mental health doctor and consult about mental disorders. In the future, I will be part of them, which helps people to fight their mental illness. Right now, I am going to study hard and expand networks and relationships so that I can know various kinds of humans in this world.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,839 4175  
Jun 24, 2022   #2
The essay is bordering on incoherent. Though the writer tried his best to express himself in English, his lack of proper English writing skills prevented clear and understandable paragraph presentations. It will be better for the applicant to hire a professional writer to help clear up the presentation problems. Only after clarifying certain points though.

Time sequences to the student council and camp participation are needed. The student council position of the applicant is necessary as it helps explain the problems and solutions he had to handle during his time on the council.

A clearer explanation regarding his interest in Korea and it's educational system in relation to his chosen major is required. That is an important element in the discussion. A professional writer can help the applicant with that.

This type of essay is not at the level expected of a GKS applicant. This version will be ignored and rejected by the screening committee.

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