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'I am the first of my family...' Academic/career goals. Scholarship essay 400-600 words

jmr213 2 / 2  
Jan 3, 2014   #1
I am the first of my family to graduate from high school and attend college. For as long as I can remember, that was my one and only goal. My Hispanic heritage has been the leading driving force in my life. My mother was Dominican and my father was Puerto Rican. I had two nationalities counting on me to make them proud in the United States. I did not take this responsibility lightly. I was determined to break the stereotypes that surround the Hispanic heritage. After I graduated from high school, I made a small detour in my academic career to join the United States Army National Guard. Two months after high school, I was on my way to Basic Training in South Carolina. After becoming a soldier, I traveled to Texas and trained as a combat medic. All of the training took me almost two years. As soon as I had returned home, I set off to continue my schooling. I finished my first semester with a 4.0 GPA and made it onto the Dean's list. I am now on my second half of my sophomore year in my community college. I plan on finishing this year as strongly as I have done before. This upcoming fall, I will attend John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York. I will pursue a bachelor's degree in Criminology. As an anonymous writer once said, "goals are as essential to success as air is to life." Without short term goals acting as a to-do list, one will never be able to accomplish the long term goals. It is because of this that I focus tremendously on my short term plans while still keeping my long term goal in mind. Throughout my schooling at John Jay, I will take courses concentrating on the psychology of criminal behavior while also learning about penology and its effectiveness on reducing crime recidivism. Long term, I wish to work in the criminal justice field for the federal government by using my knowledge to predict patterns and motives for criminal behavior and to assess the effectiveness of current penalties on crime rates. By achieving my bachelor's degree in Criminology from John Jay College combined with my involvement in the military and the foundation built during my studies, I will have the necessary tools to excel in my field of work and beyond. My Hispanic heritage only serves in growing my desire to better myself and thus better my family. Every Latino should push him/herself to change the nation's demographics and join the ever adapting workforce. I plan on doing my part and hope to influence the next generation to do so as well.
Shugz20 3 / 4  
Jan 3, 2014   #2
You make some good points in your essay. It would be nice if you use some transitions in the essay. I think you should add more goals, and not focus too much on how others need to focus on their heritage. One's own identity is very precious to them, but since your question asks you about your long-term and short-term academic goals then focus on that. You've mentioned good facts, but add more if you can. Overall, good essay!
500daysoftrisha 1 / 6 2  
Jan 4, 2014   #3
Good essay overall! I do agree with the person above, however -- transitions (such as connection sentences with "and" and such) would make the essay flow better.

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