Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Scholarship   % width Posts: 2


My friends call me Android;UWC Scholarship(Pakistan);PS-Goals, motivations, ambitions


Asad876 1 / -  
Feb 19, 2013   #1
I would be grateful if someone could rate my essay and give any constructive criticism regarding it.

Write a Personal Statement in the space below letting the selection committee know more about you. It
should include your goals, motivations, ambitions and why you feel that you would be a good fit at a UWC. This
typed document should be no more than 500 words.:

Android! That is the word most often used by my friends to describe me. It has even become an inside joke and I've grown used to hearing them crack witty jokes about my corrupt programming (among other things) over the years. They attribute this description to deadpan and serious facial expression, but inside they know as well as I do about what I'm really like; and that would be an easy-going guy with a very quirky and eccentric personality.

I spend most of my time pursuing my hobbies which are numerous. The one I have been involved in for quite some time is helping out with my father's business. As he runs a video-game business, his work and my passion for video gaming align. I do technical work for him occasionally such as modifying consoles as well as regularly informing him about new games. I also help out in the shop from time to time. Apart from video games, I also enjoy working with computers. I am capable of basic programming in JavaScript and HTML. Reading is another interest of mine and I generally enjoy all literary genres. A recent favorite of mine is the "A Song of Ice and Fire" series for its complex and grounded fantasy story full of plot twists and ruthless characters.

With so many hobbies and interests, it is hard for me to decide on just one; I am not sure of what I will pursue in the future. However, I am confident that I want to pursue a career which is challenging yet rewarding. No matter what I will do in the future, I aspire to become a respected and prominent member of society and do my part in helping others in need. This is not motivated by any religious obligation, but by my own humanistic beliefs.

I believe that the experience I will gain at a UWC will greatly benefit me. By mingling with people of different ethnicities and cultures, I will gain insight into issues which I would never have heard of before or even paid much attention to. Taking into account their views will allow me to see the world through a different lens and ultimately form informed opinions regarding many topics. I firmly believe that I will be able to adapt to the environment of a UWC; my amiable nature will allow me to fit right in with the other students, and hopefully form lifelong friendships. I will also try my best to portray my own views to them on pertinent issues in a respectful manner, keeping in mind the cultural differences between us. Furthermore, my drive to excel academically and altruistic beliefs will enable me to complete the IB diploma with honors and participate enthusiastically in the community service program respectively.

If offered a scholarship, I will strive to meet all the expectations associated with it. I will follow all the rules of a UWC and try my utmost to represent Pakistan positively to my foreign peers.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 19, 2013   #2
Android! That is the word most often used by my friends to describe me.

Android! That's how my friends most often call me.

It has even become an inside joke and I've grown used to hearing them crack witty jokes about my corrupt programming (among other things) over the years.

It was sort of a nick name for me that they often laughed at my expense over my corrupt programming. ... what do you mean by "corrupt programming"? .... I'm not clear :(

They attribute this description to deadpan and serious facial expression, but inside they know as well as I do about what I'm really like; and that would be an easy-going guy with a very quirky and eccentric personality.

This is too long and hence clarity is disturbed. Don't write lengthy sentences that makes reader tired of remembering details. I wish you rephrase this one :)

I spend most of my time pursuing my hobbies which are numerous.

... I wish you express your ideas in a simple, yet interesting manner :)


Home / Scholarship / My friends call me Android;UWC Scholarship(Pakistan);PS-Goals, motivations, ambitions
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳