So I have written a personal essay, but it sounds a little funny to me. Could you help iron out the kinks? This is it:
I have been collecting coins since I can remember. My coins came from my father's travels, so they are not historical but are from countries around the world. Each coin is unique. From the Philippines came coins about the size of a United States penny but in the shape of a square. From South Africa came the smallest coin I have ever seen to this day. From Japan came a coin with a hole in the middle of it. From Iceland came a coin with a picture of a fish. Some coins have people's profiles while others depict important cultural symbols, a royal crest, or landscape from the country.
Collecting money from other countries allowed me to travel the world from my own bedroom. Now I am about to graduate high school and am forced to decide what to do with the rest of my life. I know I want to study abroad in almost any country during my college years to not only continue my education but to experience other cultures. Everyday life in New Mexico is nothing like everyday in Finland or Australia. During my summer breaks I want to volunteer at animal rehabilitation centers, research various species, or participate in internships anywhere in the United States or around the world. I want every day to matter. I am not afraid to pick up my life and travel thousands of miles to any destination. Where will my decisions take me? So far, I have worked very hard to achieve a high grade point average despite taking difficult classes, living by my own principles instead of my peers', and developing my sense of responsibility as a volunteer intern at the Rio Grande Zoo and as a lifeguard in Rio Rancho. I have learned respect from my parents, patience while teaching swim lessons and most of all the joy of learning through my personal experience and the faces of the innocent children I have taught. This is where I have been.
My new life must start somewhere, and there is no better place than studying biology at the University of New Mexico. I know my life is meant to be lived outside of my hometown. Since I was really little I have wanted to work with animals. Since I hated seeing my pets and other animals hurt, being a veterinarian was out of the question. I liked debating with people so I took a class in law and a mock trial class. Once I tried the whole lawyer thing, I decided it wasn't the career for me. At one time I was intrigued at how a person's mind worked, so I researched psychology. Again, it didn't interest me as much as working with animals did. I returned to searching for careers with animals. Eventually I found my dream career, being a zoo keeper. The zoological field is very competitive so I asked anyone and everyone I could about getting an edge on the competition. Every person in the zoological I came into contact with said that a degree in any biological field and tons of work with animals is the way to go. In order to achieve part of my dream I must attend college.
No matter the future direction my life takes I know that an education, along with the support of my family and friends, is the only thing I can take with me without a suitcase. A fulfilling life does not come from taking the path most traveled, so I look forward to designing the coins that will represent my life's journey. I define a fulfilled life as never planning too far ahead because plans do not always work out. There is always something that can ruin any perfect plan. Life is a continuous learning experience, whether it be about easily changing plans when one does not work out smoothly or working with new surroundings instead of pushing against them. This was originally before the previous paragraph.
Greetings!
I think it's a very good essay! I just have a few editing tips:
Everyday life in New Mexico is nothing like everyday life in Finland or Australia.
I have learned respect from my parents, patience while teaching swim lessons and, most of all, the joy of seeing the delighted faces of the innocent children I have taught. [Just a suggestion, but I think it flows a bit better that way. The line "This is where I have been." strikes me as a little out of place; I think you might be better off deleting it.]
Because I hated seeing my pets and other animals hurt, being a veterinarian was out of the question.
Every person in the zoological field I came into contact with
I rewrote the last paragraph like this; see what you think:
No matter the future direction my life takes, I know that an education, along with the support of my family and friends, is the only thing I can take with me without a suitcase. I define a fulfilled life as never planning too far ahead because plans do not always work out. Life is a continuous learning experience, whether it be about easily changing plans when one does not work out smoothly or working with new surroundings instead of pushing against them. A fulfilling life does not come from taking the path most traveled, so I look forward to gathering new coins that will represent my life's journey.
Best of luck in your studies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
