the story of a dream
Hello,
I will be applying Korean global scholarship for studying a bachelors degree for international relations I have written a personal statement, could you please check my statement and inform me if there are points to improve. Thanks in advance
I would like some help with my personal statement please:
Eleanor Roosevelt once quoted that "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams". Therefore, I would like to express this is a story of a dream, I had grown up in a small village where people are being taught how to live their lives. Society often tells you what kind of family you should have when to marry and how much money will make you able to call yourself happy. But if that doesn't work for you, you can always choose your path and challenge yourself. I was going to be one who chooses his way at the end of the story.
I was a guy who was always interested in experiencing new things during my childhood opposite my community so time to time I was questioned, but I never gave up to experience or do new things. My dreams were also different than others I was thinking there was a world beyond my city to explore and I should see it as others were dreaming to get a job in the city. As time passed, I was about to graduate from High School, and I was thinking to study International Relations as my dreams were to work in an International Environment. However, for studying international relations it was very important to study abroad as I will learn a new language and cultures as well. I was not able to afford to study in many countries as I have a middle-income family. However, I discovered I was able to study in Malaysia with the same amount of money I was going to spend in my home country. I did it and went to Malaysia for studying International Relations. That was where my life changed, and it was a decision which will show the world I was thinking to see during my childhood. I made international friends, I traveled alone in different countries in South East Assia. During my travels, I had a chance to visit South Korea. South Korea was a unique experience for me to travel. I was meeting locals in the countries I traveled by using an app and I met a Korean on this trip who welcomes me as Hosgeldin a Turkish word meaning welcome when we met for the first time. I was surprised she learned a word about my language just for me. As well as I had a chance to visit Busan United Nations Memorial Cemetery and learned about Turkey-South Korea's historical connections. It was surprising for me to have such a strong connection and brotherhood with South Korea regardless of the distance. This kindness and historical connection that I learned in this trip affected me a lot and I started to be more interested in Korean Culture. From that trip, I always searched about South Korea and I was even not releasing that I loved Korea more day to day. Then my dreams turned out to be a person to study in Korea and improve the already existing friendship between our countries. This is how I found the Global Korea Scholarship and it was an awesome way to make my dreams come true. Here I am applying for this scholarship as my journey finally brings me to this point in life.
My goal by having this scholarship is to learn the unique culture of South Korea. As well as to make my contributions to South Korea by sharing the beautiful culture, traditions, and stories of my home country Turkey. Besides, when your personal goals are intertwining with the goals of the organization, it may help changes we all working to be more substantial and come quicker.
There are some achievements I did to make my dreams come true in my past, I was interested in history during High School so I attended a class to learn Ottoman written language and took a certificate that shows I can read the books written before the language revolution so I can understand my history directly without any translation. I had always been an active guy at the university too, Malaysia was a country who receives migrants from Myanmar called Rogihnya. I had helped my university society to find the Rohingya refugees who do not have access to education materials, and we helped them by providing chairs, tables, and books in their school as a university society. That was a unique experience for me as it made me understood that not everyone had access to education. However, I was happy to contribute as much as I can. As well as when I had started university, my English was not that great, so I planed out to open a mini cafe for one day to show other university students the unique story of the Turkish coffee. I studied the story of coffee in the English language and I told the students story while cooking the coffee. By doing this I was able to improve my English and made international friends at the end of the day. Furthermore, I had been joined a debate class during my language school and had been discussed a lot of issues that happened in the world which gave me a different perspective to look at the world. As a professional experience, I was able to be an interpreter for a business forum that happened in Kuala Lumpur/Malaysia and Singapore as well. That day I thought all I did for learning a new language was worth it and I was finally contributing my community with my new skill and that made me a person who always wants to improve himself.
Finally, I see myself as a capable and disciplined candidate to be able to develop undergraduate studies in Korea, through my strengths and weaknesses, I have learned a lot about myself. My current goals and my plans for the future, go hand in hand to boost my education, and with it, bring knowledge to my country that has a social, economic, and cultural impact within the local, regional and national communities. I want to recognize the effort that organizations like NIIED do to open spaces of knowledge and competitiveness and appreciate the opportunity to present my candidacy.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 This would have been a truly useful personal statement or motivational essay had you been applying for a different scholarship. You forgot that the GKS scholarship has specific requirements for their personal statement. These required information are clearly outline in the application form as follows:
Based on those discussion requirements, the reviewer is going to question why you did not provide the information that was asked for in your presentation. Since your information is not part of the required considerations, the reviewer may choose to set this application aside, having learned nothing about you that he could use to consider your application. Yes, your application can be rejected immediately for not following the prompt instructions.
Early technological developments helped people and changed their lives more than recent development
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.
Of the 5 requirements, your current essay only provides information for the 3rd and 4th requirements. Everything else, does not show up. Therefore, the essay does not provide the complete information needed to review your application. It would be best for you to consider the all information that will be needed to consider your application and provide it in the essay that you will be writing in place of this one. You can keep this essay to use at a different scholarship or as part of the application essays required at specific universities. You cannot use this for the scholarship application.
